Good: Give your child plenty of fruits and veggies. Read so many books a day. Child reaching milestones on time/learning certain things at certain times. Spend x amount of time with your child each day doing x, y and z.
Bad: Too much junk food. Too much TV. Too much electronics anything.
This is just a small list because it is not even necessary to list these things so much in the first place. This is not even going into any other parenting choices like natural or crunchy choices. Just the basic everyday parenting stuff. If you think about it though, do these things actually make you a good or bad parent? Does following a set of instructions that you read or are told to do to your child or don't do with your child is what makes you a good or bad parent? I guess every child is the same then. They are just waiting for you to follow your instructions for you to be a good parent, so they can be a good child?
Now there are some basics like children shouldn't be abused, should be clothed, fed, have shelter, and love. I am a firm believer that if a child has their basic needs met like listed in the first sentence of this paragraph that instead of following some set of instructions you follow your child. Look at them and let them lead the way to how they learn and how they prosper. Everything is not as black and white/good and bad as some people believe. Their are gray areas.
Becoming a mom of a child with special needs has taught me that. I do not believe this is only true for special needs children, but for all. As a society today we are taught we must spend loads of time with our children to combat the fact that most people spend all their time on gadgets and not engaging with what is actually right in front of them. Some children do not prosper well and seem to be smothered by full attention all day long and others prosper from it.
Lets use Josiah for example. Now he has not met all standard milestones for his age, but he has met all the milestones expected of him. He has grown and grown beyond the bounds expected of him. His pediatrician is shocked and surprised at his growth. She even said with him in front of her that day she might have not given recommendation for getting him therapy. He has grown so much that in the future he might not need the help that he has needed in the past. His therapy is shocked at his growth and KNOW how we have worked with him at home. Every professional we work with that has known him for years talk about how we work so hard with him. To be honest the "work" we do with him does not seem that hard in deed, but instead have been doing what works for him not using what we think he needs to get where we think he should be. Following his lead on how he learns and how he grows and in his own time has been what has got us to where we are.
Sure he eats more chicken nuggets then he should, but he is staying on his own growth curve. He is not loosing weight because we think he should eat something that he might not eat. A year ago it was manly fruits and veggies and I could not get him to eat meat. Now he eats so many chicken nuggets and has cut back on the fruits and veggies. He is still growing he is still learning. He is maturing. We make offers of food and what he eats is what he eats. As a child with autism and particulars within himself I am not going to go with parenting advice of hold out and wait until he eats x, y,or z. He will eat when he is hungry. Well you see there is a problem with that as many children with autism have issues with telling if they are hungry or not. We have to tell Josiah it is meal time and ask if he wants something to eat and allow him to choose from what we have to offer. Chicken nuggets are always a choice and so are always there if he decides that what was cooked or what is for leftovers is not fitting for him at that moment. He gets his food and he eats it on his own time. Sometimes then and sometimes a bit latter.
When it is time to clean up he cleans up and he helps and he participates in our daily life of cooking and cleaning and is a part of everything we do. That being said he also gets time to himself. He is and introvert and naturally gets his energy from being alone and not with someone. If I was to follow his every move and constantly be talking to him and playing with him and coming up with things we should do, well he would burn out and I would burn out as we are both introverts. We both enjoy our time together and we also enjoy our time alone.Sometimes Josiah's time alone is playing with toys and other times it is electronics.
He loves to watch videos on garbage trucks and how different things work and move. I can not teach him what I do not know and although we could read a book together about things(which we have) watching a video seeing the visual of it all is how Josiah learns the best. He gets out his toy trucks and mimics what is going on with the big trucks. Repeating new words about new names of things I never knew about. We sometimes sit together and talk about what he is watching or what I am watching or doing. From watching even shows like Dr. Who Josiah has learned so much. He says what is that and I explain what it is. His therapy has said this is very good the accidental learning from environment is what they strive and work for. They want kids to learn from everything around them not just a certain time when they are expected to pick up and learn things.
I have been told by some that my parenting style makes me a bad parent. I have been told by many professions that they can tell that we do a lot with him in the right time and the right way. He is able to pick up on it and mature into him. Not just a cookie cutter expectation. There have been people impressed with his progress/maturity, his manners, his behavior, and just anything in general. Now I nor my husband can take full credit for his growth because like I said before he has shown us the way, he has lead us to learning what helps him to learn. My education and knowledge has helped some, but Josiah added the finishing touches. If he learns best form a visual he views by himself that is great. If he invites me to come and join in his learning that is wonderful. If I push that something is about learning more then fun and he breaks down and either grows board or is thrown into a meltdown how does that help anyone?
I look forward to seeing how Josiah grows and matures and how he becomes him. How he becomes himself. I am his parent not a parent of another child. I do not know what works for your child or your family. I just know what works for my child and as he is meeting all of his goals and is a very happy(for the most part, he is a child so he is not always happy with choices) and healthy child I would hope that what works for us is respected by others. If it isn't I guess your opinion doesn't matter in the first place and does not make the difference in the happiness level of our home. Josiah will be guided and taught towards become a wonderful person and we will respect that he is a wonderful child right now. We do not just focus on the future outcome, but in what is right in front of right now.
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