Stimming-What is it?

This is a really short simple blog post.

Well the definition of it is...

According  to the urban dictionary:

"Stim, stims or stimming is short for "self stimulation". Almost everyone does it(tapping feet, cracking knuckles, twiddling thumbs), but in autistic people these behaviors are more pronounced and may seem downright strange. Autistic people often engage in stimming when they are stressed, to self regulate and sometimes to express emotion.

Common autistic stims are: rocking back and forth, headbanging(not the music kind), finger flicking/rippling, spinning, humming, repeating words or sounds and complex body contortions.

Good music makes me stim a lot. Stimming shouldn't be discouraged, it's a means for me to understand my environment."

What does it look like?

For different people it can look like different things.

For me it could look like any one of these:

• Foot bouncing 
• Leg bouncing 
• Foot rocking  (heel on ground and foot swaying back and forth) 
• Rubbing tips of finger together 
• Pressing or tapping tips of finger together 
• Rubbing finger nail with tip of finger slow or fast like flicking
• Rubbing legs with my hand
• Pressure on legs or arms
• Playing with my necklace in all kinds of ways. Like moving the pendent back and forth across the chain. Putting it in my mouth between teeth or placing my lips in the open part of the puzzle. Rubbing the necklace across my lips.
• Rubbing my cheek with a finger or scarf or other clothing or blanket.
• Putting hair or clothing in front of my nose and mouth. 
• Until I was 10 I sucked my thumb.
• Making figure eights with my feet together. Heel of one foot comes between heel and front of other foot and then other and over and over it goes.
• I don't often chew gum because it becomes really hard to stop and I tend to do it not so quietly. 
• Scratching. 
• Tightening and loosening individual muscles. 
• Scrunching up toes then straightening out.
• If I am wearing a ponytail holder on my wrist, pulling it back and releasing it. 
• Pulling on my ear lobes.
• Rubbing on my ear lobes
• Finger tapping 
• Finger twitching 
• Hand flapping 
• Jumping up and down
• Letting out a sound(sound varies)
• Rubbing tongue on teeth
• Rubbing tongue on roof of mouth
• Rubbing nose
• Humming
• Humming not a tune but a single low sound
• Singing
• Spinning my wedding band
• Petting Midnight our cat
• Twirling finger around Midnight's ear
• Tip toe walking
• I always climb stairs on my tip toes
• Pacing when talking on the phone-I am talking miles of steps when it is a long conversation
• Baths

For Josiah it can look like any of these:

• Head butting floor or wall
• Ticking his tongue
• Smacking his lips
• Biting his hand
• Biting his clothes
• Chewing on a chewy
• Playing with his nose
• He used to pull at his eye lashes
• Petting Midnight our cat
• Playing with Midnight's fur between his fingers
• Tip toe walking
• Pinching himself
• Spinning around
• Walking in circles
• Hiding under the couch cushion
• Hiding in pile of stuffed animals
• Throwing himself backwards
• Chewing on the palms of his hand
• Climbing up or on things
• Jumping off of things
• He also fancies using elevators and escalator 
• Licking glass
• Rubbing his forehead down glass
• Jumping on trampoline
• Running around nearly naked or naked
• Swimming or bath-swimming wins for best
• Tongue sticking out
• Licking bottom lip-sometimes to chapped
• Lining things up
• Toe sucking

Some of the major ways we stim differently is I do not actually cause harm to myself when stimming and mine are usually less noticeable then when he does it.

How to Save Money on Diapers and Pads That Are SensoryFriendly *Giveaway*

For a person who does not normally even talk about herself this is an interesting subject, but I am going to jump right in and see how things go. I am all for talking about autism, my son and things that have made our life easier. Autism can be expensive at times (ok how about all the time), we all know this. For those who seek therapies money is a big thing. Before Josiah was even diagnosed we had switched him to cloth diapers (originally this post was going to be just about saving money on pads, but I just can't speak about one without the other).

Diapers

*Not just for babies, but many companies make larger sizes for children with special needs as well*
We switch to cloth when he was 11 months old to save money. We started off his life with a stack of disposable diaper cases we received at the baby shower and the ones we had purchased starting at newborn. When he was born early and we suddenly needed to buy preemie diapers. The price for the amount of diapers was outrageous and after he was almost out of preemie size (almost 3 months) that Luvs NB diapers were the exact same size as Huggies preemie and much cheaper. After we ran out of size 2,  My mom recommended cloth diapers like she did and told me about safety pins, prefolds, bars of soap (to stick the pins in to keep them sharp), wet buckets and it was all just not as I wanted to picture something I had to deal with daily.

We bought a few cases and quickly realized that diapers were really expensive, even when getting them from diapers.com and using their brand diapers. From being in natural parenting mom groups I had quickly erased the stereotypical view of cloth diapers from my mind (seen above). I learned that cloth could look like this, but it could also look like a disposable diaper if you got AIO or pockets and you could also get a cute cover to cover the prefold if you didn't want it to show. There are also things called snappies to fasten prefolds, so no need for safety pins and pocking babies.

Look at them, they are so colorful and cute. We finally decided to get diapers and when going through Alva and using a co-op on Facebook we paid about 4.00 a diaper and got 26 diapers, so our "stash" was about 120 with coop fees and shipping. If you want to learn more about the types of diapers this has easy to follow pictures and also info on the "I don't want to deal with poop" part of it all here. 

Pads

Pads have been a complete sensory nightmare for me since I was 11 years old. Never knowing there was any other option I have been using them since then, besides the 30 months that I did not have a period between pregnancy and breastfeeding. When getting cloth diapers and joining cloth diaper chats I soon learned there were cloth pads. Not having been so sure about cloth diapers and not having my period when I started cloth diapers, I did not give them much thought. Time passes and I just deal with the sensory nightmare that the pads are and that my period was to me. Sandpaper is what pads felt like for me, Always Infinity being the closest thing to bearable (absorbs the liquid really thoroughly and quickly). 

If you can't stand things like tags, how on earth are you able to stand a pad? Especially since most are so rough, cut weird, sit weird, and are just annoying all around. I absolutely can not stand the wet, bloody feeling at all and am often anxious and irritated during my period not because of hormonal issues, but because all the sensory issues with the feeling of the blood. Otherwise, most of the time the emotional side of aunt flow just does not affect me, but the physical side does. We move on to Aug 1st at 1:15A, after finally getting Josiah to sleep I was still awake. Why? Because the stupid annoying night pad had me so anxious and uncomfortable and boy does it feel like sandpaper (to think that baby diapers are the same texture makes me so happy my son does not have to deal with diaper sensory issues anymore). I was searching online as always infinity was not my night choice due to the size. Then I got to thinking about cloth pads and found some buy, sell, trade pages on FB and got to asking some questions. I found places that did reviews along with people reviewing on YouTube and decided first on overnight pads through treehuggerclothpads.com which are 12in long made of minky and sell for $14 a pad. I discovered that since minky can get hot during the summer. Through asking questions and my sensory aversions that sued cloth could be the answer to my wishes for daytime.

9.5in Cotton cloth pad compared to tampon, liner and always infinity folded up.

With a quick google search of suedecloth pad I found in a YouTube review that led me to MamaJewelsJems on Etsy I was checking out her awesome prints for the size pad I was looking for and sparked up a conversation in messages. I always like to message buyers before purchasing to see if they check their stuff often and if they can answer questions about their product even if I know the answer. I notice when going to her profile to massage her that she was from MI which is awesome since I live in MI and also that she was a stay at home mom of 4 boys. Through the back and forth conversations I soon found out that one of her boys who is 7 has autism and her youngest is 3, same age as Josiah. I figured why not support another autism mommy while trying out something new. I bought two sued cloth pads and one cotton 9.5in pads from her for $8.25 for the sued and $7.50 for the cotton. She shipped out the items right away.

When I got the items there were three pads, a cloth wipe, a tea and her business car all wrapped up in tissue paper. What an exciting gift to unwrap! I quickly threw them in a hot wash, then a hot, dry to get them prepped for use. They came out really fluffy from the dry and were stuck to the side of my dryer as we didn't use any dry sheets with them (something we are used to from cloth diapers). I decided to try the cotton one out first. When I put it on it was thicker than what I was used to with the always infinity, but after a while I didn't seem to notice it at all, it was really comfortable. The pad has two snap choices which are great for getting them in the right position, so they fit nicely in your underwear. I am on the tail end of my period, so this review of these pads is actually going to be sitting and waiting a month. 

Tampon in front of cotton cloth pad, panty liner to left and always infinity to the right.

I however did get to try one of each out for the tail end of my period for comfort level. The suede cloth seems to be far less noticeable to me than the cotton. The sued cloth does as promised and absorbs liquid much quicker even the thicker end of period stuff gets absorbed up. The cotton it did not get absorbed as quickly. I am going to try both during the full swing of my period, but I am going to bet that the suede cloth will be my favorite fabric between the two. I will also have spinning class that I will get to try these out in.... Wait a minute, am I actually excited for my period to come even though I just got done with it... Yup! That's because as I am sitting here typing this I do not feel like I am sitting on barbed wire and razor blades. I feel comfortable! That is a start and I will take it....

While waiting for my cycle to return I decided to also order a 12in suede cloth from her and got a friend a 10in in the super. 

One Cycle Later... (All pads listed are through MamaJewl's Handmade Jems unless otherwise stated)

Another cycle begins and like always it does not matter what else is going on. I am just getting over a kidney infection that has been kicking my butt the past week. I am also starting all of my classes this week, so guess I get to test out the suede cloth pads out with spinning class right away! Start of my cycle since I do not have that many cloth pads (plan on washing partially through cycle, so I can test them more).

*The next few areas are written as a daily thoughts on the pads sometimes written at the end of the day and sometimes throughout the day adding comments and feelings about the pads. There are going to be some mention of blood since they are pads*

Day one

I am wearing a disposable and it is already irritating me. I tried putting on the always infinity on the silky (polyester blend) underwear I was wearing and it refused to stick to it, so one went into the trash without wear. Then the next one stayed on a little later before it came unstuck. I really did not want to switch to cotton yet, I normally do with my period even though blood washes out better from the others, because at the time I was feeling extra sensitive to things and cotton can seem like sandpaper to me during those times, especially on the more sensitive areas of the body. I ended up switching to a wingless liner since the wing issues continued and I was only spotting anyways. I would compromise some comfort for the wings to stop sticking to me and not sticking to my underwear.

 

Day two

I started out with an always infinity so I could compare to the suede cloth later. I wanted to save them for my classes as I had spinning and other active class. It was the first day so we did nothing, so real test Thursday. The always infinity. No the suede cloth absorbs liquid just as quickly as the always infinity. Just the cloth pad is more comfortable and it doesn't have sticking issues since the pad snaps into place. I also did not even realize I was bleeding very heavy with the suede cloth at first until. I used the bathroom and there was one clot that did not get absorbed and a lot came out when on the toilet. I started to see blood on the side of the suede cloth and took it as a sign it was starting to get full. That night I decided I was bleeding heavy enough to give the treehugger cloth pad a test. It is a minky 12in cloth pad. When I first put I to it was really awkward, but IDK what night pad isn't I couldn't get enough in the back and there was too much upfront. I was too tired to hassle with it. I put it on around 9p and got up at 8:30 with no leaking issues. It was really full on the top of not absorbed blood when I woke up. It was really soft, but not sure if I like the absorbency rate so much of the minky.

Day three

I started out with a cotton cloth pad. With this day being a serious gushing day. It was clear that blood was being absorbed and was taking a little longer. The pad had a larger blood spot on it as the blood took longer to sink in past the first layer. I wanted to give the suede cloth a test under the same conditions, so it was my next victim so to speak. I could still feel gushing, but couldn't feel the moist feeling after as much. When I used the bathroom the pad had a much smaller blood spot on it as it was absorbing the liquid in quickly not giving it a chance to spread out across the parade. I again couldn't really tell I was even bleeding much until it was full. I am for sure a fan of the suede cloth so far! I wore an always infinity afterwards and the suede cloth was still a great contender with it. Nighttime I gave the treehugger cloth pad a try again. This time with cotton underwear I had better luck with it. Better fit and not as awkward. It was really hot last night and tonight and I do not seem to notice that it was any hotter then wearing the always infinity at night. I know that is one complaint with the minky material. This morning when I woke up there was less blood sitting on the pad that had not been absorbed. I am not sure if I had a fresh gush the night before just before I got up, but was a way better experience with the minky material from Treehugger cloth pads the second time around.

Day four (The real test day)
Still heavy flow and both of my active classes are today. I always put on an infinity before hand as I do not have that many cloth pads. Before leaving for Josiah's therapy and the start of our long day I changed into a suede cloth one at 9A I didn't return home until almost 1p and changed into a cotton cloth pad. The whole time it absorbed well and did not feel the wetness. I had my elementary class and we hopped like bunnies, threw  and caught balls, getting up and down all the time and walked three laps around the track (10 is a mile). It stayed in place the whole time. With the cotton one was the same way as yesterday where it is absorbing just not as quick as the suede cloth or always infinity and since I have sensory issues with the wet feeling cotton pads do not seem to be the thing for me. I can stand to wear them, just figure if they are the same price I might as well get suede cloth instead. Putting on another suede cloth again for spinning class and this time we are getting on the bikes and going to work up a sweat. Lets see how things go... So forgot to change before leaving, so I took off the cotton one and put it in my handy dandy pad wrapper made by Harmony Hill Cloth then put on a disposable I had in my backpack.

Day five-Seven 
Was more of the same

Afterwards:
I will for sure be ordering some more suede cloth. If you are getting pads for incontinence issues than a cotton one might not be as noticeable since urine is not as thick as blood and it does absorb pretty quickly just not as quick as the suede cloth ones. From TreeHuger Cloth Pads I will order a couple of bamboo ones for night/postpartum to try. I like the minky enough to order some more as well after trying the bamboo to see which I like better.
I decided to order some more suede cloth pads and to wait another cycle of testing before officially publishing this post.

My new regular pads!

Another cycle came and past and I got to use these wonderful pads pictured above, along with the ones that I used in the past month. I did not get a chance to wright a day to day and did not feel it was necessary. I can tell you that these hold up to 12 miles plus in a spinning class, they hold up to running around chasing a three year old and that they hold up to running around like a preschooler/grade student as part of one of my physical classes (elementary PE class).  

The Specs on MamaJewel's Handmade Jems

Hi, My name is Julie and I'm the mama to 4 boys. When I was pregnant with my youngest, I decided I wanted to cloth diaper him. Which led me to start thinking of using reusable menstrual pads, as well.

I started sewing in 2011. I started by making cloth wipes, then cloth diapers, then I started making reusable menstrual pads, which I enjoyed making so much, that's what I decided I wanted to stick with. It's kind of a passion of mine! I also enjoy doing giveaways and have been known to do them out of the blue and for no reason. Sometimes it's one and a couple times it was several!

On each of her pads she has this information listed:

Why choose cloth pads?
Cloth pads are an excellent alternative to disposables for many reasons. They are much more comfortable. No plastic stickiness! No chemicals in cloth, either. Just soft comfort! They are better for the environment. While they are an investment at first, in the long run you will save money. With proper care, they will last you years! You'll never run out of pads, when you can just wash and re-use them.

Sued cloth pad folded up with a liner on the left, tampon in front and an always infinity on the right.

Information on the materials used for all sizes:

Suede cloth is an awesome stay dry material. It pulls the moisture in quickly.
ZORB absorbs 10x it's weight in less than half a second. Care: Wash HOT, dry HOT, Bleach OK, no fabric softeners.
Fleece is a moisture barrier that is also breathable, so less odor than using disposable (plastic/paper) pads. So much more comfortable, too!! It also helps keep the pad in place, along with the kamsnaps. Kamsnaps are applied with a snap press. 

A top view of the sued cloth pad compared to a liner,always infinity, and tampon. 

One thing nice about her pads are that the fleece back color varies with the absorbency so if you have the same size in different absorbency levels you can easily tell the difference. The liners have purple fleece, regular have black fleece on the back, and super and overnight/postpartum ones have red fleece on the back.

Liner

Her liners listed in her store 7.75 in long or 8in long all listed currently in her store are cotton ones and sell for $5.25. Top layer is cotton, inside is a layer of flannel and backed with fleece.

Regular

Her regulars listed in her store 9.5 or 10in long. Currently, she has listed both cotton and sued cloth pads. They are listed at $7.50 or $8.2 for this size. These pads are made with a top layer of suede cloth or cotton, one layer of zorb and a layer of flannel in the middle, another layer of cotton, and backed with fleece.

Super

Her super listed in her store is 10in long and listed at $9. Layout: top layer is suede cloth, 2 layers of zorb a layer of cotton, and the base is a layer of cotton and backed with fleece. She is currently testing one layer of zorb and two layers of flannel to try and make them thinner.

Overnight/postpartum

The overnight pads listed in the store are 13in or 13.5in long and listed for $12. Top layer is suede cloth, inside is two layers of zorb, a layer of flannel and backed with fleece. This pad fans out in the back for added protection at night.

Wrappers and packaging

Wet bag by 529 Baby

One way to carry your pads when out and about is in a wet bag in your purse. Most wet bags have a dry and wet area to store clean and used pads. You can look at a review I did on 529 Baby.

A wrapper under and next to an always infinity(same size) with a 9.5in sued cloth pad on top of the other.

Another option is to get pad wrappers by Harmony Hill Cloth, so if you are like me and do not carry a purse you can just stick a couple in your pocket when you are out and about. This is what I decided to go with.

A couple of the wrappers I ordered $1.50 each

The specs on Harmony Hill Cloth

Hi! I am Caryn Evirs of Harmony Hill Cloth. Proud mother of 5 biological children and in the process of adopting (prayers welcome) a baby from DCF. We began our journey to living a 'cleaner' life when one of my sons was diagnosed with Autism and we were looking for ways to help him naturally through diet and supplements. (Since then my husband was also diagnosed with Aspergers). We have been specialized foster parents of children with special needs and babies born drug addicted, which is how I ventured into the cloth diaper world, and thus became my gateway to all things cloth! I am also a labor and delivery nurse since 1997 and like to open up the conversation with new moms who seem open to the idea of cloth! Two years ago, I bought myself a sewing machine for my birthday and found a new love and pastime! I started making cloth wipes, napkins, unpapertowels, pads, wet bags, and pad wrappers for my family and friends, but recently started a Facebook page (named after our house) Harmony Hill Cloth to offer custom items for others. My computer skills are lacking, but I'd like to think I make up for it with my sewing and communication!

Family Cloth

Ask for price depends on sizes/materials since they are custom.

3 7" light minky topped liners

7", 9", 9" sealif 

7" light Christmas sweater, 9" heavy minky dots

9" and 11"

Pads and Liners:

Price list: SHIPPING $2 (add .25 each pad) 6-7" $4
8" $5
9" $6
10" $7 (take $1 off for light)
11" $8 (take $1 off for light)
12" $9 (take $1 off for light)

Cloth Napkins

Ask for price depends on sizes/materials since they are custom.

Wipes are .85 and
Pad wrappers 1.50
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An Endeavor Well Worth It

One early Saturday morning or late Friday night depending on how you wanted to look at it was when we called our friends and family to come and join us. Music played in the background while we talked about all kinds of things and patiently waited for the big moment. We all watched the sunrise, through the window of the medium sized room that we sat in. Everyone was excited, but also calm and relaxed. My husband, mother, sister, closest friend, and sister-in-law were all there beside me the whole time and for a short time my brother-in-law and my sister’s friend even stopped by. After what seemed like forever on that beautiful Saturday morning, July 9th, 2011, my life changed forever when I gave birth to a five pounds ten once boy. It was great to finally have him in my arms. The problem free pregnancy (besides him being born a month early) and easy, pain free, natural labor was sadly not a sign of what was to come next.

The first week of his life he was healthy. He didn’t have to go to the NICU or even have jaundice. However, one thing after another happened after that. We first encountered projectile vomiting almost every time he ate. We tried multiple medicines for acid reflux and nothing worked. He was tested by ultrasound for pyloric stenosis, a stomach condition that requires surgery or death. My tiny baby was not allowed to eat, which was heartbreaking. He was laid on a regular sized bed which made him seem smaller. Then the tech used the smallest tool for the ultrasound which engulfed his abdominal area. They decided after testing that had a dairy intolerance. I cut dairy out of my diet and he got better. By the time he was four months he started to have difficulties breastfeeding and had even more problems with a bottle. This was a very painful time emotionally and physically for me. I endured toe curling pain for my child. We soon learned the issue was caused by a tongue tie and lip tie. It took until he was six months to get them clipped. There were no immediate changes and since he had no weight gain while waiting to get them clipped and weight loss after we were referred for feeding therapy. I continued my classes again when he was six months old, so doing feeding therapy and my classes was a lot for those three months. I learned to manage my time well. When he turned eleven months he was old enough to have his hypospadias surgery that fixed the deformation of his penis. During the surgery I paced anxiously. Two hours later the urologist came and got us. He said everything went well. I had roommates who criticized me for putting him through surgery and for getting his partial foreskin hood removed, but I pushed through as I knew what was best for him. We celebrated his first year and we hoped for better years to come.

Even through all of the pain and suffering that we endured as a family, my husband and I would never trade it for not having had him. Soon after his first birthday, we were still having acid reflux issues and added to that an aspiration issue when drinking liquids. This was discovered, though an x-ray which they strapped him down and he screamed and I could not help him because he needed the test. We had to get drink thickeners, it was really expensive, but for the safety of my child the sacrifice was made. He had leg x-rays, which again he screamed with, when he finally started walking at 16 months because he was walking with a strange gate. Thankfully nothing was wrong. I joked with my son that he was not allowed to have anything else to go wrong because mommy wanted a break from medical exams. My heart broke when he had to go through all of it and I knew he hated it, too. I started to notice social and emotional differences in him before he turned a year old and I just assumed it was because he was born early. When he was eighteen months we made an appointment at Hope Network Center for Autism. This started us on a whole new journey that began two months later.

The biggest life changing thing that happened to me besides having a child, was hearing that he has autism and that it would be a lifelong disability with a varying possibilities of functioning. It was not a life changer in that my son changed. He was the same child that I wanted so badly after I had a miscarriage and he was the child I loved and wanted so much after he was born and the child I still wanted when we went through all the difficulties his first two years of life. It was an internal emotional change that happened. I went through a time when I grieved for the loss of what my child may have become. When you have a child, you have all these hopes and dreams of who they may become and what they may do and then you hear that it might not happen; that they might not get to do all that you dreamed or hoped for, it crushes you. Not because they made the choice, but because they have a lifelong disability that prevents them from making that decision. After I went through the process I came to the wonderful side of acceptance. I loved and accepted him for who he was now, not who he might become someday, or the growth he might or might not make. I accepted him for exactly as God made him. I accepted him for all of his difficulties, not knowing what his strengths might be someday. I loved him and still wanted him. He was completely mine and I would not want to trade him or get rid of him, he was still what I wanted.

Having a child with autism was one of the most meaningful and special things that has happened in my life. My life may not be the easiest, but we all have struggles; No matter if you have a child who has a disability or a child that doesn’t, whether you go to school, go to work, work as a stay at home parent they all have their challenges, different challenges, but they still have their challenges. In some people’s eyes, I was seen as a super mom for all I had done, but with my own eyes I had not always seen it. I did what was needed to help my son function daily and strived to get school work and house work done. Having a child with autism uncovered a whole new part of me. It first started with my ability to stand up for my son and what he needed. The road to getting his diagnoses of autism was not quick and easy we were told by early on they would not diagnose him because he was not old enough. His pediatrician was thankfully not of that same mindset. I learned to stick up for the fact that what was happening was not just a tantrum or that he was in any way spoiled, but that he was having a sensory overload meltdown. This in return taught me to stick up for myself, my parenting and other choices in my life. Through learning how to stand up for myself and my son and what was best for him and our family I had many friends recommend that I should share our story of that and swimming to help inspire others in many ways. Inspire them to fight for the diagnoses, to fight for their child’s needs (a child with autism has sensory needs along with the normal needs) to educate themselves on their child’s needs because with understanding comes patients, which was another thing that I learned from my son, to find what helps meet their child’s sensory needs and what helps to stimulate them in a good way and what over stimulates them, and to just otherwise show that they are not alone and you can fully love and accept your child with autism.

I took the advice of my friends and created a blog titled Just Josiah J. -Autism Adventures (this blog). It started simply enough by being shared with friends and family. I started talking about our adventures in swimming and then branched out to talking more about autism as well as myself. The blog has now had close to 9,500 views. Shortly after I started the blog, I found it would be easier to share it with strangers who wanted to know more about swimming and autism if I created a Facebook page this would also let everyone know there were new blog posts. I was able to use the page to share little updates and pictures from when we went swimming and other adventures we went on. The page started out small with just mainly friends and family and it has grown to nearly 2,000 people. I had gotten comments about how the page or blog has helped others learn what autism was and gave them understanding and acceptance of those with autism and from other parents who I had helped in many ways. About a year later I created a local support group because the Grand Rapids area did not have a parent group online. This had helped nearly two hundred fifty moms and dads, we had just recently expanded the group to not just moms, but dads too. I was glad that I stepped out of my comfort zone and created the local support group because I got comments all the time about how helpful it had been to just be able to talk to other parents and get ideas on how to deal with different behaviors.

The best gift of all of from this whole journey, besides having a wonderful son and getting to help many people, was that I discovered even more about myself. I discovered through my walk through the world of autism that I was on the autism spectrum, too. It answered so many questions to why I thought differently and why my senses were a lot different from other people. When I found out it was an ah ha moment and was such a relief to know what makes me the way I was. I was glad to have gotten a better understanding of myself and my son. Not a perfect understanding because each person with autism is as different from each other, as each person who does not have autism is from each other.

Good Parenting VS Bad Parenting

When you become a parent you are suddenly are opened up to criticism from all. There are ideals for what makes a good parent. Do this,that or the other and you are a good parent. As in follow instructions like you are putting together a dresser. There all kinds of things that people tell you to do that will make you a good parent and things that you do that can make you a bad parent.

Good: Give your child plenty of fruits and veggies. Read so many books a day. Child reaching milestones on time/learning certain things at certain times. Spend x amount of time with your child each day doing x, y and z.

Bad: Too much junk food. Too much TV. Too much electronics anything.

This is just a small list because it is not even necessary to list these things so much in the first place. This is not even going into any other parenting choices like natural or crunchy choices. Just the basic everyday parenting stuff. If you think about it though, do these things actually make you a good or bad parent? Does following a set of instructions that you read or are told to do to your child or don't do with your child is what makes you a good or bad parent? I guess every child is the same then. They are just waiting for you to follow your instructions for you to be a good parent, so they can be a good child?

Now there are some basics like children shouldn't be abused, should be clothed, fed, have shelter, and love. I am a firm believer that if a child has their basic needs met like listed in the first sentence of this paragraph that instead of following some set of instructions you follow your child. Look at them and let them lead the way to how they learn and how they prosper. Everything is not as black and white/good and bad as some people believe. Their are gray areas.

Becoming a mom of a child with special needs has taught me that. I do not believe this is only true for special needs children, but for all. As a society today we are taught we must spend loads of time with our children to combat the fact that most people spend all their time on gadgets and not engaging with what is actually right in front of them. Some children do not prosper well and seem to be smothered by full attention all day long and others prosper from it.

Lets use Josiah for example. Now he has not met all standard milestones for his age, but he has met all the milestones expected of him. He has grown and grown beyond the bounds expected of him. His pediatrician is shocked and surprised at his growth. She even said with him in front of her that day she might have not given recommendation for getting him therapy. He has grown so much that in the future he might not need the help that he has needed in the past. His therapy is shocked at his growth and KNOW how we have worked with him at home. Every professional we work with that has known him for years talk about how we work so hard with him. To be honest the "work" we do with him does not seem that hard in deed, but instead have been doing what works for him not using what we think he needs to get where we think he should be. Following his lead on how he learns and how he grows and in his own time has been what has got us to where we are.

Sure he eats more chicken nuggets then he should, but he is staying on his own growth curve. He is not loosing weight because we think he should eat something that he might not eat. A year ago it was manly fruits and veggies and I could not get him to eat meat. Now he eats so many chicken nuggets and has cut back on the fruits and veggies. He is still growing he is still learning. He is maturing. We make offers of food and what he eats is what he eats. As a child with autism and particulars within himself I am not going to go with parenting advice of hold out and wait until he eats x, y,or z. He will eat when he is hungry. Well you see there is a problem with that as many children with autism have issues with telling if they are hungry or not. We have to tell Josiah it is meal time and ask if he wants something to eat and allow him to choose from what we have to offer. Chicken nuggets are always a choice and so are always there if he decides that what was cooked or what is for leftovers is not fitting for him at that moment. He gets his food and he eats it on his own time. Sometimes then and sometimes a bit latter.

When it is time to clean up he cleans up and he helps and he participates in our daily life of cooking and cleaning and is a part of everything we do. That being said he also gets time to himself. He is and introvert and naturally gets his energy from being alone and not with someone. If I was to follow his every move and constantly be talking to him and playing with him and coming up with things we should do, well he would burn out and I would burn out as we are both introverts. We both enjoy our time together and we also enjoy our time alone.Sometimes Josiah's time alone is playing with toys and other times it is electronics.

He loves to watch videos on garbage trucks and how different things work and move. I can not teach him what I do not know and although we could read a book together about things(which we have) watching a video seeing the visual of it all is how Josiah learns the best. He gets out his toy trucks and mimics what is going on with the big trucks. Repeating new words about new names of things I never knew about. We sometimes sit together and talk about what he is watching or what I am watching or doing. From watching even shows like Dr. Who Josiah has learned so much. He says what is that and I explain what it is. His therapy has said this is very good the accidental learning from environment is what they strive and work for. They want kids to learn from everything around them not just a certain time when they are expected to pick up and learn things.

I have been told by some that my parenting style makes me a bad parent. I have been told by many professions that they can tell that we do a lot with him in the right time and the right way. He is able to pick up on it and mature into him. Not just a cookie cutter expectation. There have been people impressed with his progress/maturity, his manners, his behavior, and just anything in general. Now I nor my husband can take full credit for his growth because like I said before he has shown us the way, he has lead us to learning what helps him to learn. My education and knowledge has helped some, but Josiah added the finishing touches. If he learns best form a visual he views by himself that is great. If he invites me to come and join in his learning that is wonderful. If I push that something is about learning more then fun and he breaks down and either grows board or is thrown into a meltdown how does that help anyone?

I look forward to seeing how Josiah grows and matures and how he becomes him. How he becomes himself. I am his parent not a parent of another child. I do not know what works for your child or your family. I just know what works for my child and as he is meeting all of his goals and is a very happy(for the most part, he is a child so he is not always happy with choices) and healthy child I would hope that what works for us is respected by others. If it isn't I guess your opinion doesn't matter in the first place and does not make the difference in the happiness level of our home. Josiah will be guided and taught towards become a wonderful person and we will respect that he is a wonderful child right now. We do not just focus on the future outcome, but in what is right in front of right now.

20 Reasons Why I Love Him

I know valentines day is done and over with, but I wanted to post something on our anniversary of when we officially started dating 7 years ago today, so here goes...

There are many more reasons for why I love my husband, but this is what I came up with for this post. This post has been really hard to come up with things, not because I do not love my husband, but the whole putting it into words that make sense and can be categorized. Love in its self is a hard thing to describe. I have an even hard time already describing emotions and feelings, so this is completely out of my little bubble and I know my husband can truly appreciate the gesture.

1. God Sent Me Him

I feel that God brought us together to be friends at first and then to be married like we are now. We both feel this way. We were meant to be together. We belong together. Through ups and downs in life we have been there for each other with God as our foundation and it will continue to be this way. I spent a year away from dating or even thinking about who I should date to find out what God wanted for my life. That is when he fell into my life as my best friend, which brings us to number two.

2. My Best Friend

He was my best friend before we started dating and still is my best friend. I would talk and talk to him from time I got done with homework (met when I was 16/Sophomore in high school) to the time I went to bed. We don't so much get he luxury to do that now days with Josiah(Little Man/LM) running around, me going to school, and him working, but I still love talking to him about our hopes and dreams. Talking about the here and now as well and hope that we can stay this way until one of his leaves this earth and that will only be a temporary separation, as I know we will be together again on the other side.

3. He Is My Other Half

As cheesy as this sounds he is literally my other half. The Jelly to my peanut butter(or some other alternative to those with peanut allergies) or how ever else you want to put this statement. He is my other half because I am the thinker and he is the emotions and even though this may be frustrating at times, it is what makes us work great together. When Josiah has had to have tough things done like a tongue tie and lip tie clipped I was he one to be there because Jason said he would be too emotional to do it/would want to hit the Dr. for hurting him. I am a very shy reserved person and he is partially shy as well, but when it comes to speaking up to certain DRs about stuff that I would rather ignore to avoid confrontation he is all there supporting our rights and decisions.

4. We Are In This Together

I love that we ware in this autism adventure together with Josiah. He is a part of his therapies and Dr appointments. I do not have to try to juggle it all myself. I have someone to stand by my side while we go through life. It is much easier to navigate through all the specialists and paper work when you have someone to help. He goes to all the appointments with us, I mainly fill out paper work for everything, but sometimes he fills in some stuff as well. He is en every part of what we do. He loves to come home and see Josiah's swimming pictures and other pictures from our day that he missed while he was at work. The FB page has both of us as admins and he loves to see all of the comments, likes and messages just as much as I enjoy to see the support. He may mostly be a silent observer with the page, but he is there. 

5.-7. Views On Gender Roles, He Love Me For Me, He Understands

I do not know how to separate these three without repeating myself over and over, but feel all of them deserves a mention. I love that he does not feel that gender roles should define us. I would feel extremely trapped if I was the stereotypical women. I do not wear make-up and I hardly wear dresses/skirts. He loves it when I do, but would never push the idea of me having to do it more often then I choose to do it. He knows that the way I get my energy is in very small groups or even by myself so he gives me my space when I need it. He does not feel that just because he works outside of the home means he gets a free pass on household jobs. We both do what we feel is best for our family as with what we do around the house. When he does stuff it is not just because I asked him to, but because it needs to be done and more times then not does not even need to be mentioned. I will do his chores at times and he will do mine depending on what is going on in any given time. He understands when I am in a do not touch me mood or a kiss is too much. Sometimes just a kiss feels like I am being smothered and he is very understanding of when that time is and I absolutely love that about him.

8. He Is A Wonderful Father

It is very easy to add into the no gender roles with making him a wonderful father^^. He lets Josiah be himself even if that means wanting to dress up like a fairy for fairy garden day. He did not tell him he could not do it because fairies are for girls. Just like he has never told Josiah that play kitchen's or dolls are just for girls. Josiah has dolls, play kitchen, trucks, cars, trains, and all kinds of things in between. It is what he likes and enjoys not what he should be. He is there for Josiah. Yes, there can be times when he gets a little more frustrated then I will about something, but it is evident that he trying and that Josiah LOVES him so much. When daddy is home on the weekend it is hard to separate those two as Josiah wants to soak up every min with him.

9. Service

I love the fact that when I decided to serve at church for school that he joined me and that he is by my side there every Sunday helping me teach the class. He is my other half in the classroom as well. we work so well together. I do the story and he does the song. I do the water he does the snack. We do not even have to plan or talk to each other about what needs to be done, we just know how we need to do it. We sometimes even switch between what kids we are playing with if we know that the other person's personality would add to the situation. This kind of thing makes me love him even more seeing him in a situation where we can share about God to a room full of children and just connecting weather it be through words or not. I could have just served on my own for class, but he is there by my side which is wonderful to have my other half there.

10. Foot Rubs At Night

Foot rubs or back rubs at night. I love that if I am laying in bed and my feet itch and he knows they do, he just says "give them here" and puts lotion on them/gives me a foot rub. He offers to rub my back and or neck if he realizes I need it. I do not have to say anything and rarely request to have either done, but really do enjoy it when he offers. To go along with this putting pressure on my legs and feet when I need it. I can not explain at all the feeling I have at times in my legs, but all I know is pressure/ weight helps make it go away. Thinking it is a stimulation issue and I used to think it was possible anxiety, but the anxiety only comes if the horrible feeling does not go away.

11. Support

I love him for his support that he gives to me. Through the times when I had night after night of the whole anxiety thing where I kind of went into myself not to be found, but he brought me out of it and I am happy to say I have not had problems like that in a long time. Of course only after having Josiah have I learned about meltdowns and all the different ways they can present. He has supported me with breastfeeding and all kinds of parenting choices that we have made together, but that I end up with the choice more then him. Like with breastfeeding we both think it is a great choice, but I am the one doing it and he is my wonderful supportive husband. He is also very supportive of the other people around him. I am more then willing to share my supportive husband when the need arises. We have some friends that used to be just my friends that are now both of our friends and they love to go to him for help specially when they need a more emotionally supportive role. Like I feel bad when something happens, I just am unsure as to what to say to a person. Not because I do not care, I just have the hardest time coming up with the words other then wow that sucks, sorry to hear that.

12. Kind Heart

The whole support thing brings me the the fact that he has a kind heart. He is a very caring person. He hates to see people hurting. This goes along with his heart for service, too. He sometimes will get frustrated because he can not help a person he wants to help, so it all comes out completely wrong then how it was supposed to come out.

13. Kiss Goodbye

I love that him and Josiah always gives me a kiss and sometimes a hug goodbye before they take off somewhere even if it is just the the store down a block from our house.

14. Good Worker

He is a good hard working at his job and sometimes takes the leadership position on his shift when needed. He has gone in on vacation days when he was needed. He always strives to be honest and work his hardest even if others are not. He is also a good worker at home (when it is not nap time).

15. Check-ins

I love that when he is at work he will call or text to let me know how he is doing or ask to see how me and Josiah are doing. He also will know then if we were having a bad day or night and I know if he had a bad day at work. We also will know if each other had a great day or things that Josiah accomplished, so he does not miss out on things while he is working second shift. If he was not napping during my classes I would be checking in on breaks as well, but Josiah is in therapy and he is napping, so all is quite during the time that I am away. I have sent him pictures of food and drink that ended up all over the floor due to a Josiah freak out or things we colored or painted before he destroys them. This is one of the many reasons I take so many pictures and videos, so hubby can play catch up on what happened while he was at work.

16. Sleeping in

I love that on Tuesdays and Fridays if there is no need for me to go to Josiah's ABA therapy I am able to stay home and sleep in. In return he sleeps an extra hour Mondays and Wednesdays and he naps the two hours that Josiah is in therapy 5 days a week. We both try to help each other get the most rest we can so we are able to handle meltdowns and tantrums a lot better from Josiah or have more energy to do fun activities with Josiah.

17. Washing My Hair

This has got to be my kryptonite. I know for some the sensory might be too much and for others it might not be such a big deal, but I love it. I suggest that every man tries at least once, to wash his significant others hair. Anyone should wash their significant other's hair/head at least once. I know my hubby loves it when I wash his hair/head (sometimes he shaves it almost all off like picture below). Specially if the women has long hair. You would not believe the time and energy that is taken into hair even if it is just brushed out like I do. Imagine the time that is put into curling or straitening for some women. The feeling of just being able to relax while one tasks that you may sometimes dread is being done for you is partially why it is amazing. The other part is when you add pressure and massage the sensory sensations are all out wonderful. I can see why most kids love to have their heads washed (I say most because for some with autism it is a sensory nightmare).

18. Taking care of me when I am sick

This took place yesterday. I gave him a call to pick me up from class early and got Josiah ready as soon as possible to get me. He even brought a bucket encase I got sick on the way home. He got me seven up and ginger ale. Got me water, blankets and a heating pad. He took off work to watch Josiah while I spent the afternoon in the bathroom, head over a bucket or sleeping. 

19. Respectful

He has always been very respectful. Before we were married he respected wishes not to do certain things and not to move to fast. He respects wishes to not do things now that we are married as well. I am his love, not a piece of property to be owned and used however he wishes. That is one of the reasons I love him so much. He was extremely patient and respectful of issues I had after Josiah was born. Through that patients and respecting that sex was painful and just not going to happen we grew even closer to each other. 

20. Just Because

I love him because I love him. When all else is going wrong and nothing seems right, I still love him. Even when I am mad at him, I still love him. This makes it so we can not be mad at each other for very long. I look forward to spending he rest of my life with him and loving him just because. 

P.S. to my hubby are you happy I told you no peeking and you have to wait until Tuesday to see it!