Praying Autism Away?!, Blessings, Thankfulness, Breastfeeding....and A Little On Guilt

Praying autism away?!:

I know I have had some this discussion on Facebook before, so I apologize if you have seen it on there before. I am a Christian. I do believe in miracles, but to tell me that I should take my son to a prayer room to heal him of his autism to me is inconsiderate. I have been told the staff at the nursery (both the volunteers and the actual paid staff). I have been told to take him to the healing room for his gluten allergy and my gluten allergy as well. The way I feel is I would not be allergic to wheat among the others if it was not genetically altered by....humans not God. I am just fine not eating wheat. Then when it comes to the autism. I love Josiah just the way he is. I am sure if God wants him to advance he can do so through his therapy. In many, many ways Josiah is different in a REALLY GOOD way! As challenging as it might be at times with him having autism, it makes him who he is and made me the mother I have become today. I do not see it as a curse to be healed but as a blessing. I accept Josiah for who he is, ALL of him, not just I accept you, but not your autism so I am just going to pray it away. I have accepted he has autism. Like I stated before the way that kids with autism view the world differently should be a wake up call to the rest of us. They seem to be closer to God then we are. Most special needs individuals seem to be. They are not as selfish and many other characteristics that not only make them beautiful in their own way, but usually more beautiful then we can be when the flesh has clouded our judgment/decisions/choices for life. 

Blessings:

Most parents do not appreciate the little things when it comes to their children. Things like daily smiles, hugs, eye contact, and their children just talking to them. I am thankful for every smile, every time he looks me in the eyes or anyone for that matter. I am so happy he connected with his swim instructor so nicely. That was so nice to see. 

Thankfulness:

I am also SO very thankful for our breastfeeding relationship. Not many parents who have the same issues we have/had were able to continue. I do not feel I am extended breastfeeding, but just doing what is natural and what has been done from the beginning of time. It is God designed and does not need help from man(formula). I am thankful there is formula to help babies who have no access to breast milk. I helped a couple of families by donating breast milk to them to help them get some of the much needed goodness that breast milk is.

Less then a month

The switch:

I feel so strongly about breastfeeding I even switched from a church I attended for seven years. I was asked to either cover or leave the sanctuary and at the time my son was eating every 30min and with the extended service they had there meant that he was eating 2-4times while there and if he fell asleep there was no way I was going to wake him up to return to service. I should not be force in a BOX to not be allowed to worship GOD the one who created breastfeeding just because as they put it: "I agree with you that breastfeeding is completely natural and shouldn't offend people when you do it. However, because the original sin corrupted the world, people are corrupted. Not everyone agrees about breastfeeding... you know this. The general concensus of our culture is this: Breastfeeding should be a modesty issue. If you wouldn't show someone your breasts when not breastfeeding, they shouldn't see them when you are breastfeeding." Well, because society does not agree with breastfeeding I should not do it???? Yah, society also believes getting drunk is fun....are they going to jump on that band wagon as well someday?!?! Of course when I was going through a tough time with Josiah's tongue tie I was also told to just bottle feed by the same people instead of receiving words of encouragement and love like you should from your church family. I am still hurt by this. Why, because they were like a second family for seven years of my life. They were my first church I attended for a long period of time. They were there when I got married (the pastor was the one who married us) and Josiah's baby shower. Though I was obviously not fully accepted and was doing nothing wrong/was not even doing anything sinful for the reason why I was not accepted. Heck, even if I was sinning, I do not think that pushing me away and not letting me in church would be the answer! Church is for sinners not perfect porcelain dolls! These kinds of views is the reason most people do not breastfeed for that long. The rate in America is so sad. It is only in America that breasts are viewed as such a sexual thing. No where else is it as big of an issues to breastfeed in public. Even in countries where a women covers herself head to toe besides her eyes for modesty can breastfeed in public! 

10 Months

TWO YEARS!! 

14 months-Used in breastfeeding calendar

14 Months

 July nine  will mark two years of breastfeeding for us, but I am thankful for every feeding every day and I am so happy we continued through tongue tie, lip tie (and all the issues that came with having both those issues), getting both clipped, dairy issues, reflux, anemia, premature birth, autism. Knowing how great that breastfeeding is for children with autism makes me even more thankful for the relationship. He is not very lovey/cuddly, but we have nursing for now. Even if it lacks in that eye gazing wonderfulness I see other mom's experience I am still very grateful for it. Even if he does not smile up at me, even though when he can not sleep at night he nurses half the night until I feel sore I am still grateful for that time we get together and that he getting good stuff for his brain. We have chosen to do baby led weaning and I would not change that decision or the decision to breastfeed and continue to breastfeed for anything.

22 Months

A must watch movie

Books I have enjoyed reading that have helped after finding out my son has autism:

D Iz for Different
 
This one describes a lot of stuff for any special needs parent goes through, well for any parent for that matter. There are a lot of good things even non-parents can pick up from this book as well. One of the quotes that described exactly what I went through as well:

"I was in a fog, a stunned state of disbelief. What happened here? I had already established my hopes and dreams for this beautiful young lady before she even breathed her first breath of air, and now they were shattered. All of a sudden I felt a heavy burden, as any parent would – how do I make it all better? Being a parent is already the toughest job in the world; let’s add another layer on top of that. A layer filled with the unknown- continual visits to doctors, specialists and therapists; skyrocketing medical bills; insurance adventures; IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meetings; heart wrenching worries, labels and surprises galore. During the days and months of this fog, there were more questions: Why? Why Me?, Why Her?, Why Us?".
Downs, Camilla (2013-04-26). D iz for Different: One Woman's Journey to Acceptance (Kindle Locations 325-333). Turning Views. Kindle Edition.

3500: An Autistic Boy's Ten-Year Romance with Snow White

This one I am still reading. I loved this one because the child was so much more happy and verbal at Disney World. I have found Josiah's Disney World and it is swimming. Although his son was not always happy with Disney World just like Josiah has been completely thrown off with changes in swimming, it is still the best thing for them at the time.  

Guilt:

I seen a seen a posted on one of the pages I am following on Facebook. It describes what far so many parents with children with special needs in general feel.  With autism there are so many things that people say "cause" autism like vaccines for instance. I have heard so many people beat themselves up for giving their kid vaccines and now they have autism. They are so full of guilt they can not even be there for their child because they feel they did it to them, they caused it. I did vaccinate Josiah, do I feel if gave him autism? Absolutely not! First off from the time he was born he hardly gave eye contact and even for the kids who do not show obvious signs until they are two I still do not feel vaccines caused it. They brain goes through so many changes around that age and that is just when it decides to show its self more. Josiah is coming up on two and even though we have been seeing progress I have also notice somethings that he did not do before. Like toe walking at times and heel walking too(seriously do not know if some kids with autism do that). I hope and pray he does not regress when he turns two, but if he did then we will just deal with it all then. I am not going to ignore the present worrying about the future or feeling guilty about my past. I really do wish that more parents would not have to feel so guilty about their child's autism. We are so lucky that our insurance covers all the therapy other than the copay which is still twenty a day, five days a week, with fifty-two weeks in a year that is $5,200 just in therapy a year, which is less then what we were thinking. Then discovering that swimming is his "snow white" is another 70 a month, until we find out if we qualify for a scholarship. We are paid up until the end of August; thankfully, with a summer pass. I can see how without insurance a parent would feel guilt on the amount of therapy they can afford. Not spending enough time with my husband was a big one for me. I even had people tell me our relationship was not healthy because of the amount of time we spent in bed together(my thought was we had a healthy relationship before marriage without sex, why does  marriage need LOTS of sex to be considered healthy), due to complications for birth that caused great pain, hubby working second shift and just plain tired from the every day stress of a child with special needs (this has gotten a lot better with Josiah swimming!). Well, we are still together and he is more than understanding on his end, he knows that being a good Christian leader is doing what is best for the family as a whole and not just what is best for him(this is what I love about my husband so much). Oh and do not get me wrong on thinking that I do not believe a marriage does not need sex. I know God designed if for marriage. 80% of marriages with a child with autism end in divorce. We promised each other forever and we would like to keep it that way. Yes, we have had the discussion about that high number and we vowed again to each other and God to be that 20% Mark 10:7-8; "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh"!

32 Months-Hubby was taking a while to take picture so caught a half smile