Stimming-What is it?

This is a really short simple blog post.

Well the definition of it is...

According  to the urban dictionary:

"Stim, stims or stimming is short for "self stimulation". Almost everyone does it(tapping feet, cracking knuckles, twiddling thumbs), but in autistic people these behaviors are more pronounced and may seem downright strange. Autistic people often engage in stimming when they are stressed, to self regulate and sometimes to express emotion.

Common autistic stims are: rocking back and forth, headbanging(not the music kind), finger flicking/rippling, spinning, humming, repeating words or sounds and complex body contortions.

Good music makes me stim a lot. Stimming shouldn't be discouraged, it's a means for me to understand my environment."

What does it look like?

For different people it can look like different things.

For me it could look like any one of these:

• Foot bouncing 
• Leg bouncing 
• Foot rocking  (heel on ground and foot swaying back and forth) 
• Rubbing tips of finger together 
• Pressing or tapping tips of finger together 
• Rubbing finger nail with tip of finger slow or fast like flicking
• Rubbing legs with my hand
• Pressure on legs or arms
• Playing with my necklace in all kinds of ways. Like moving the pendent back and forth across the chain. Putting it in my mouth between teeth or placing my lips in the open part of the puzzle. Rubbing the necklace across my lips.
• Rubbing my cheek with a finger or scarf or other clothing or blanket.
• Putting hair or clothing in front of my nose and mouth. 
• Until I was 10 I sucked my thumb.
• Making figure eights with my feet together. Heel of one foot comes between heel and front of other foot and then other and over and over it goes.
• I don't often chew gum because it becomes really hard to stop and I tend to do it not so quietly. 
• Scratching. 
• Tightening and loosening individual muscles. 
• Scrunching up toes then straightening out.
• If I am wearing a ponytail holder on my wrist, pulling it back and releasing it. 
• Pulling on my ear lobes.
• Rubbing on my ear lobes
• Finger tapping 
• Finger twitching 
• Hand flapping 
• Jumping up and down
• Letting out a sound(sound varies)
• Rubbing tongue on teeth
• Rubbing tongue on roof of mouth
• Rubbing nose
• Humming
• Humming not a tune but a single low sound
• Singing
• Spinning my wedding band
• Petting Midnight our cat
• Twirling finger around Midnight's ear
• Tip toe walking
• I always climb stairs on my tip toes
• Pacing when talking on the phone-I am talking miles of steps when it is a long conversation
• Baths

For Josiah it can look like any of these:

• Head butting floor or wall
• Ticking his tongue
• Smacking his lips
• Biting his hand
• Biting his clothes
• Chewing on a chewy
• Playing with his nose
• He used to pull at his eye lashes
• Petting Midnight our cat
• Playing with Midnight's fur between his fingers
• Tip toe walking
• Pinching himself
• Spinning around
• Walking in circles
• Hiding under the couch cushion
• Hiding in pile of stuffed animals
• Throwing himself backwards
• Chewing on the palms of his hand
• Climbing up or on things
• Jumping off of things
• He also fancies using elevators and escalator 
• Licking glass
• Rubbing his forehead down glass
• Jumping on trampoline
• Running around nearly naked or naked
• Swimming or bath-swimming wins for best
• Tongue sticking out
• Licking bottom lip-sometimes to chapped
• Lining things up
• Toe sucking

Some of the major ways we stim differently is I do not actually cause harm to myself when stimming and mine are usually less noticeable then when he does it.

It Is Wrong to Kill a Child, a Special Needs Child Does Not Give You a Get out of Jail Free Card.

There have been a couple of national news stories now about children being murdered one successful the other not. On both when the word is out that the child is autistic it goes from the mother should die to the poor mother she must have reached her breaking point. I have really hard days, even weeks with Josiah and never once does the thought of taking his life cross my mind. One mother used the excuse that her child (Issy) could overpower her where as the second victim (London) was just a small 6-year-old. The mothers' names are not worth mentioning. There is no excuse for murdering a child! It is horrible that these women were even bloggers and got their message out there, then society puts to light on the news articles that instead of wanting max sentence they are going to scream for mercy on those who murder their children. Society I beg you to change your view on this!

*The message below was written as an editorial for a class I had. I feel it should actually get published on my blog now.*

Killing a child is wrong. Why would a child with special needs who is even more vulnerable be any different? They are even more dependent upon the people around them for their needs to be met. It is obvious that killing a child is seen as the most horrendous form of murder by society, but then when a child has special needs it all changes in the majority of societies minds. It is seen as a mercy killing or that the poor parent reached their breaking point and could not handle the situation anymore. The parent is praised and the child is demonized and seen as the cause of the disaster. Life as a parent is difficult with or without a child having special needs so why is it seen differently in the eyes of society. It shouldn’t be different according the law, the Bible, and the options that parents have.

Our laws, that we have in place treat children with disabilities with equality. They have the right to a free public education that is the least restrictive to their abilities through the education act IDEA.  A person is not allowed to be discriminated at a job due to a disability they have. Why are parents allowed to then treat their kids badly either with abuse or murder because they have a disability and most of society, let it slide as the child just being too demanding of the parent special needs parent. Because our laws also support that children with disabilities be treated as equals as those without it also means that all other laws apply to those with disabilities. Murder except in the case of self defense or service in the military is illegal in all states of the United Sates along with many other countries.

The Bible teaches that you shall not murder (Deuteronomy 5.17). It does not give exception for the mercy of others. John 9:1-3  states that a person has special needs not because they have sinned or that their parents have sinned, but so that the works of God might be displayed in them. God arranged each of the members of the body as he chose (1 Corinthians 12.18). God is the one who makes everyone exactly as they are. He can make a child with special needs or one who is not (Exodus 4:11).

Last, but certainly not least there are so many other options for parents out there. If the law and moral right does not sway a parent or society from seeing how killing a child with special needs is just as wrong as killing a child without, then think about how there are still other options out there then to kill a child. If a child has become too much for a family to handle their needs, then instead of removing the child from the world and taking the life that belongs to them, they should let them have their life with another family who can, by placing the child up for adoption. There are many families out there willing to take children in with special needs and even some families searching for certain special needs that other children in their family already have, since they are already equipped to handle the needs of that child. 

Killing a child should never be the last resort out of a situation. Society, I urge you to stop screaming “bad  parent” to the parent who gives their child up for adoption when they can’t handle the circumstances and then screaming “mercy killing” to the parent who chooses to kill their child they cannot handle. It sends the message that killing your child is seen as a better option than giving a child up for adoption. I urge you to view killing a child with special needs as a horrible act, just like killing a child who does not have special needs is seen as. Children are gifts to the world no matter what their abilities are. Loving a child enough to give them up instead of killing them is the biggest selfless act of love.

Social Situations

Hope for Josiah

I really hope that someday Josiah will be better in social situations then I am.  I dread group projects or speeches. This past semester was a great experience because I did have a group project. I have I guess just like Josiah had social opportunities when he is swimming to talk to people. This has helped me to open up to people a little, but still does not help much for me as it does him. I see changes in his social ability which is great. For me it takes for ever to get used to anyone. Sometimes I will say nothing just nod or say a few words when people are talking to me in person or even on the computer (typing is so much easier). Other times I will talk and talk and talk. Depends on the subject for the most part. Most of this social awkwardness does not apply to when I am with family and by family I mean my immediate family.

The Questions

I will more times then not walk away from talking to someone I do not know well and think: Did I say something stupid? Did I say what I wanted to say right? Did I break some social code I was not aware of? Did I say something the wrong way? Are they board or are they interested in talking? Am I talking too much? too little? too quite? too loud? I will even think back on something I said days or even months or longer and wonder if someone still thinks about how stupid I sounded (if I figured I said something that came out wrong).Logically I know the other person would not be thinking back on something so far back or even something I said not too long ago, but I still am like "grrr that totally came out wrong, social fail again, I wish this social stuff was so much easier then it is". This thought is not easily pushed aside when I have heard people say stuff about what I said. What is so sad is that even in the autism community negative things have been said, even though if their child was in same situation they would hope for acceptance. That in its self is kind of sad, that they want to scream acceptance for their child, but not accept autistic traits in an adult....their child will someday be an adult.

The Learning

I often will ask my husband did I write that out well/does that sound good/does that make sense when sending stuff to some people. Or will ask a friend is it ok to say this or that to (fill in who they are to me) and get opinions from other people on if it is socially acceptable or not. I have learned this way throughout the years. I have learned how to be social even though ti does not come naturally or anywhere near natural to me. I still wonder if I am doing it right. It is like if you learn how to  do something new and you check with your teacher to see if you are doing it correctly, but for me there is no social teacher out there. Josiah with his therapy has had help with learning at a younger age from his therapy which I know will do him much more good then me just navigating on my own. I have always just put my social awkwardness off to being shy and abused and nothing more then that. Now it kind of makes sense. I can remember when I was a kid not wanting to talk to people and so my parent's solution was to force me to order my own food if I wanted to eat out or to talk to whoever we come into contact with. I still will ask hubby to ask the waiter for something if we are out and part of this is because it makes me uncomfortable and another part of this is because well, I have not made eye contact with them once so I honestly could not pick our waiter out from the crowed of workers.

Situations

Other situations other then eating out that this becomes a problem. Well loads of places. Having to talk to a teacher about a problem I have. Questions are easier if done after class and not in front of everyone, so even being asked to express something by the teacher in front of class becomes a problem. With LM's Dr's for ex. The GI and WIC lady who are both so strong minded.When someone is so strongly opinionated and a very dominating person it makes it really difficult to get a single word in or to do anything other then sit and agree, even if I do not agree. I will a lot of times let things go like calling me by the wrong name or something just because (I honestly do not have an explanation for this one). I have issues starting conversations with people or sometimes even keeping a conversation going. I might go over something over and over and over in my head before I actually say it to someone. These types of things are exactly why there are studies out there about women who have autism finding themselves in abusive relationships more then the average. I myself have been there and am very happy to be with caring, loving man at my side now. Not out in front of me dragging me through whatever crap he sees fit to drag me through like my abusive ex that I met at way to young of an age. I am so happy hubby and I started to get to know each other online; otherwise, not sure how well meeting him would have gone. We are both kind of shy. The very first time we met in person he probably wondered why I was not talking to him hardly at all. I have opinions on things, but it is extremely hard for me to express them. I find it hard to for ex point out if a carseat is being used wrong according to the manual (even if the baby's life is at stake). Even though I am nice and do not think badly of many people I have still been called a cold person. I have still been called rude and other negative qualities I do not try to be, want to be, or even knew I was doing.

The Good

I have spoke up to some people about this when out and about and in the end I feel like adrenalin is rushing through me and I half stalked them before even bring it up. I have stood up for my ability to breastfeed my hungry baby in public. I have stood up for my son when he has needed someone to speak up for him. I have advocated for him far better then I could myself. This blog was created for him and I have expressed tons of stuff about him, but have never talked much about my self. Through my time with God(took a year off of no dating and no looking for anyone) and myself, getting married, and having Josiah I have found more of a voice for the people in my life and for myself. For the ability to say NO, I will not do that just because I am a nice person (I still kind of struggle with this one a lot, but is possible to say no sometimes now).