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Showing posts with label autistic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autistic. Show all posts

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Stimming-What is it?

This is a really short simple blog post.

Well the definition of it is...

According  to the urban dictionary:
"Stim, stims or stimming is short for "self stimulation". Almost everyone does it(tapping feet, cracking knuckles, twiddling thumbs), but in autistic people these behaviors are more pronounced and may seem downright strange. Autistic people often engage in stimming when they are stressed, to self regulate and sometimes to express emotion.

Common autistic stims are: rocking back and forth, headbanging(not the music kind), finger flicking/rippling, spinning, humming, repeating words or sounds and complex body contortions.

Good music makes me stim a lot. Stimming shouldn't be discouraged, it's a means for me to understand my environment."

What does it look like?

For different people it can look like different things.

For me it could look like any one of these:


  • Foot bouncing 
  • Leg bouncing 
  • Foot rocking  (heel on ground and foot swaying back and forth) 
  • Rubbing tips of finger together 
  • Pressing or tapping tips of finger together 
  • Rubbing finger nail with tip of finger slow or fast like flicking
  • Rubbing legs with my hand
  • Pressure on legs or arms
  • Playing with my necklace in all kinds of ways. Like moving the pendent back and forth across the chain. Putting it in my mouth between teeth or placing my lips in the open part of the puzzle. Rubbing the necklace across my lips.
  • Rubbing my cheek with a finger or scarf or other clothing or blanket.
  • Putting hair or clothing in front of my nose and mouth. 
  • Until I was 10 I sucked my thumb.
  • Making figure eights with my feet together. Heel of one foot comes between heel and front of other foot and then other and over and over it goes.
  • I don't often chew gum because it becomes really hard to stop and I tend to do it not so quietly. 
  • Scratching. 
  • Tightening and loosening individual muscles. 
  • Scrunching up toes then straightening out.
  • If I am wearing a ponytail holder on my wrist, pulling it back and releasing it. 
  • Pulling on my ear lobes.
  • Rubbing on my ear lobes
  • Finger tapping 
  • Finger twitching 
  • Hand flapping 
  • Jumping up and down
  • Letting out a sound(sound varies)
  • Rubbing tongue on teeth
  • Rubbing tongue on roof of mouth
  • Rubbing nose
  • Humming
  • Humming not a tune but a single low sound
  • Singing
  • Spinning my wedding band
  • Petting Midnight our cat
  • Twirling finger around Midnight's ear
  • Tip toe walking
  • I always climb stairs on my tip toes
  • Pacing when talking on the phone-I am talking miles of steps when it is a long conversation
  • Baths


For Josiah it can look like any of these:

  • Head butting floor or wall
  • Ticking his tongue
  • Smacking his lips
  • Biting his hand
  • Biting his clothes
  • Chewing on a chewy
  • Playing with his nose
  • He used to pull at his eye lashes
  • Petting Midnight our cat
  • Playing with Midnight's fur between his fingers
  • Tip toe walking
  • Pinching himself
  • Spinning around
  • Walking in circles
  • Hiding under the couch cushion
  • Hiding in pile of stuffed animals
  • Throwing himself backwards
  • Chewing on the palms of his hand
  • Climbing up or on things
  • Jumping off of things
  • He also fancies using elevators and escalator 
  • Licking glass
  • Rubbing his forehead down glass
  • Jumping on trampoline
  • Running around nearly naked or naked
  • Swimming or bath-swimming wins for best
  • Tongue sticking out
  • Licking bottom lip-sometimes to chapped
  • Lining things up
  • Toe sucking
Some of the major ways we stim differently is I do not actually cause harm to myself when stimming and mine are usually less noticeable then when he does it.


Thursday, November 6, 2014

It Is Wrong to Kill a Child, a Special Needs Child Does Not Give You a Get out of Jail Free Card.

There have been a couple of national news stories now about children being murdered one successful the other not. On both when the word is out that the child is autistic it goes from the mother should die to the poor mother she must have reached her breaking point. I have really hard days, even weeks with Josiah and never once does the thought of taking his life cross my mind. One mother used the excuse that her child (Issy) could overpower her where as the second victim (London) was just a small 6-year-old. The mothers' names are not worth mentioning. There is no excuse for murdering a child! It is horrible that these women were even bloggers and got their message out there, then society puts to light on the news articles that instead of wanting max sentence they are going to scream for mercy on those who murder their children. Society I beg you to change your view on this!
*The message below was written as an editorial for a class I had. I feel it should actually get published on my blog now.*
Killing a child is wrong. Why would a child with special needs who is even more vulnerable be any different? They are even more dependent upon the people around them for their needs to be met. It is obvious that killing a child is seen as the most horrendous form of murder by society, but then when a child has special needs it all changes in the majority of societies minds. It is seen as a mercy killing or that the poor parent reached their breaking point and could not handle the situation anymore. The parent is praised and the child is demonized and seen as the cause of the disaster. Life as a parent is difficult with or without a child having special needs so why is it seen differently in the eyes of society. It shouldn’t be different according the law, the Bible, and the options that parents have.
Our laws, that we have in place treat children with disabilities with equality. They have the right to a free public education that is the least restrictive to their abilities through the education act IDEA.  A person is not allowed to be discriminated at a job due to a disability they have. Why are parents allowed to then treat their kids badly either with abuse or murder because they have a disability and most of society, let it slide as the child just being too demanding of the parent special needs parent. Because our laws also support that children with disabilities be treated as equals as those without it also means that all other laws apply to those with disabilities. Murder except in the case of self defense or service in the military is illegal in all states of the United Sates along with many other countries.
The Bible teaches that you shall not murder (Deuteronomy 5.17). It does not give exception for the mercy of others. John 9:1-3  states that a person has special needs not because they have sinned or that their parents have sinned, but so that the works of God might be displayed in them. God arranged each of the members of the body as he chose (1 Corinthians 12.18). God is the one who makes everyone exactly as they are. He can make a child with special needs or one who is not (Exodus 4:11).
Last, but certainly not least there are so many other options for parents out there. If the law and moral right does not sway a parent or society from seeing how killing a child with special needs is just as wrong as killing a child without, then think about how there are still other options out there then to kill a child. If a child has become too much for a family to handle their needs, then instead of removing the child from the world and taking the life that belongs to them, they should let them have their life with another family who can, by placing the child up for adoption. There are many families out there willing to take children in with special needs and even some families searching for certain special needs that other children in their family already have, since they are already equipped to handle the needs of that child. 

Killing a child should never be the last resort out of a situation. Society, I urge you to stop screaming “bad  parent” to the parent who gives their child up for adoption when they can’t handle the circumstances and then screaming “mercy killing” to the parent who chooses to kill their child they cannot handle. It sends the message that killing your child is seen as a better option than giving a child up for adoption. I urge you to view killing a child with special needs as a horrible act, just like killing a child who does not have special needs is seen as. Children are gifts to the world no matter what their abilities are. Loving a child enough to give them up instead of killing them is the biggest selfless act of love.

Monday, October 20, 2014

An Endeavor Well Worth It

One early Saturday morning or late Friday night depending on how you wanted to look at it was when we called our friends and family to come and join us. Music played in the background while we talked about all kinds of things and patiently waited for the big moment. We all watched the sunrise, through the window of the medium sized room that we sat in. Everyone was excited, but also calm and relaxed. My husband, mother, sister, closest friend, and sister-in-law were all there beside me the whole time and for a short time my brother-in-law and my sister’s friend even stopped by. After what seemed like forever on that beautiful Saturday morning, July 9th, 2011, my life changed forever when I gave birth to a five pounds ten once boy. It was great to finally have him in my arms. The problem free pregnancy (besides him being born a month early) and easy, pain free, natural labor was sadly not a sign of what was to come next.

The first week of his life he was healthy. He didn’t have to go to the NICU or even have jaundice. However, one thing after another happened after that. We first encountered projectile vomiting almost every time he ate. We tried multiple medicines for acid reflux and nothing worked. He was tested by ultrasound for pyloric stenosis, a stomach condition that requires surgery or death. My tiny baby was not allowed to eat, which was heartbreaking. He was laid on a regular sized bed which made him seem smaller. Then the tech used the smallest tool for the ultrasound which engulfed his abdominal area. They decided after testing that had a dairy intolerance. I cut dairy out of my diet and he got better. By the time he was four months he started to have difficulties breastfeeding and had even more problems with a bottle. This was a very painful time emotionally and physically for me. I endured toe curling pain for my child. We soon learned the issue was caused by a tongue tie and lip tie. It took until he was six months to get them clipped. There were no immediate changes and since he had no weight gain while waiting to get them clipped and weight loss after we were referred for feeding therapy. I continued my classes again when he was six months old, so doing feeding therapy and my classes was a lot for those three months. I learned to manage my time well. When he turned eleven months he was old enough to have his hypospadias surgery that fixed the deformation of his penis. During the surgery I paced anxiously. Two hours later the urologist came and got us. He said everything went well. I had roommates who criticized me for putting him through surgery and for getting his partial foreskin hood removed, but I pushed through as I knew what was best for him. We celebrated his first year and we hoped for better years to come.

Even through all of the pain and suffering that we endured as a family, my husband and I would never trade it for not having had him. Soon after his first birthday, we were still having acid reflux issues and added to that an aspiration issue when drinking liquids. This was discovered, though an x-ray which they strapped him down and he screamed and I could not help him because he needed the test. We had to get drink thickeners, it was really expensive, but for the safety of my child the sacrifice was made. He had leg x-rays, which again he screamed with, when he finally started walking at 16 months because he was walking with a strange gate. Thankfully nothing was wrong. I joked with my son that he was not allowed to have anything else to go wrong because mommy wanted a break from medical exams. My heart broke when he had to go through all of it and I knew he hated it, too. I started to notice social and emotional differences in him before he turned a year old and I just assumed it was because he was born early. When he was eighteen months we made an appointment at Hope Network Center for Autism. This started us on a whole new journey that began two months later.

The biggest life changing thing that happened to me besides having a child, was hearing that he has autism and that it would be a lifelong disability with a varying possibilities of functioning. It was not a life changer in that my son changed. He was the same child that I wanted so badly after I had a miscarriage and he was the child I loved and wanted so much after he was born and the child I still wanted when we went through all the difficulties his first two years of life. It was an internal emotional change that happened. I went through a time when I grieved for the loss of what my child may have become. When you have a child, you have all these hopes and dreams of who they may become and what they may do and then you hear that it might not happen; that they might not get to do all that you dreamed or hoped for, it crushes you. Not because they made the choice, but because they have a lifelong disability that prevents them from making that decision. After I went through the process I came to the wonderful side of acceptance. I loved and accepted him for who he was now, not who he might become someday, or the growth he might or might not make. I accepted him for exactly as God made him. I accepted him for all of his difficulties, not knowing what his strengths might be someday. I loved him and still wanted him. He was completely mine and I would not want to trade him or get rid of him, he was still what I wanted.

Having a child with autism was one of the most meaningful and special things that has happened in my life. My life may not be the easiest, but we all have struggles; No matter if you have a child who has a disability or a child that doesn’t, whether you go to school, go to work, work as a stay at home parent they all have their challenges, different challenges, but they still have their challenges. In some people’s eyes, I was seen as a super mom for all I had done, but with my own eyes I had not always seen it. I did what was needed to help my son function daily and strived to get school work and house work done. Having a child with autism uncovered a whole new part of me. It first started with my ability to stand up for my son and what he needed. The road to getting his diagnoses of autism was not quick and easy we were told by early on they would not diagnose him because he was not old enough. His pediatrician was thankfully not of that same mindset. I learned to stick up for the fact that what was happening was not just a tantrum or that he was in any way spoiled, but that he was having a sensory overload meltdown. This in return taught me to stick up for myself, my parenting and other choices in my life. Through learning how to stand up for myself and my son and what was best for him and our family I had many friends recommend that I should share our story of that and swimming to help inspire others in many ways. Inspire them to fight for the diagnoses, to fight for their child’s needs (a child with autism has sensory needs along with the normal needs) to educate themselves on their child’s needs because with understanding comes patients, which was another thing that I learned from my son, to find what helps meet their child’s sensory needs and what helps to stimulate them in a good way and what over stimulates them, and to just otherwise show that they are not alone and you can fully love and accept your child with autism.

I took the advice of my friends and created a blog titled Just Josiah J. -Autism Adventures (this blog). It started simply enough by being shared with friends and family. I started talking about our adventures in swimming and then branched out to talking more about autism as well as myself. The blog has now had close to 9,500 views. Shortly after I started the blog, I found it would be easier to share it with strangers who wanted to know more about swimming and autism if I created a Facebook page this would also let everyone know there were new blog posts. I was able to use the page to share little updates and pictures from when we went swimming and other adventures we went on. The page started out small with just mainly friends and family and it has grown to nearly 2,000 people. I had gotten comments about how the page or blog has helped others learn what autism was and gave them understanding and acceptance of those with autism and from other parents who I had helped in many ways. About a year later I created a local support group because the Grand Rapids area did not have a parent group online. This had helped nearly two hundred fifty moms and dads, we had just recently expanded the group to not just moms, but dads too. I was glad that I stepped out of my comfort zone and created the local support group because I got comments all the time about how helpful it had been to just be able to talk to other parents and get ideas on how to deal with different behaviors.

The best gift of all of from this whole journey, besides having a wonderful son and getting to help many people, was that I discovered even more about myself. I discovered through my walk through the world of autism that I was on the autism spectrum, too. It answered so many questions to why I thought differently and why my senses were a lot different from other people. When I found out it was an ah ha moment and was such a relief to know what makes me the way I was. I was glad to have gotten a better understanding of myself and my son. Not a perfect understanding because each person with autism is as different from each other, as each person who does not have autism is from each other.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Good Parenting VS Bad Parenting

When you become a parent you are suddenly are opened up to criticism from all. There are ideals for what makes a good parent. Do this,that or the other and you are a good parent. As in follow instructions like you are putting together a dresser. There all kinds of things that people tell you to do that will make you a good parent and things that you do that can make you a bad parent.

Good: Give your child plenty of fruits and veggies. Read so many books a day. Child reaching milestones on time/learning certain things at certain times. Spend x amount of time with your child each day doing x, y and z.

Bad: Too much junk food. Too much TV. Too much electronics anything.

This is just a small list because it is not even necessary to list these things so much in the first place. This is not even going into any other parenting choices like natural or crunchy choices. Just the basic everyday parenting stuff. If you think about it though, do these things actually make you a good or bad parent? Does following a set of instructions that you read or are told to do to your child or don't do with your child is what makes you a good or bad parent? I guess every child is the same then. They are just waiting for you to follow your instructions for you to be a good parent, so they can be a good child?

Now there are some basics like children shouldn't be abused, should be clothed, fed, have shelter, and love. I am a firm believer that if a child has their basic needs met like listed in the first sentence of this paragraph that instead of following some set of instructions you follow your child. Look at them and let them lead the way to how they learn and how they prosper. Everything is not as black and white/good and bad as some people believe. Their are gray areas.

Becoming a mom of a child with special needs has taught me that. I do not believe this is only true for special needs children, but for all. As a society today we are taught we must spend loads of time with our children to combat the fact that most people spend all their time on gadgets and not engaging with what is actually right in front of them. Some children do not prosper well and seem to be smothered by full attention all day long and others prosper from it.

Lets use Josiah for example. Now he has not met all standard milestones for his age, but he has met all the milestones expected of him. He has grown and grown beyond the bounds expected of him. His pediatrician is shocked and surprised at his growth. She even said with him in front of her that day she might have not given recommendation for getting him therapy. He has grown so much that in the future he might not need the help that he has needed in the past. His therapy is shocked at his growth and KNOW how we have worked with him at home. Every professional we work with that has known him for years talk about how we work so hard with him. To be honest the "work" we do with him does not seem that hard in deed, but instead have been doing what works for him not using what we think he needs to get where we think he should be. Following his lead on how he learns and how he grows and in his own time has been what has got us to where we are.

Sure he eats more chicken nuggets then he should, but he is staying on his own growth curve. He is not loosing weight because we think he should eat something that he might not eat. A year ago it was manly fruits and veggies and I could not get him to eat meat. Now he eats so many chicken nuggets and has cut back on the fruits and veggies. He is still growing he is still learning. He is maturing. We make offers of food and what he eats is what he eats. As a child with autism and particulars within himself I am not going to go with parenting advice of hold out and wait until he eats x, y,or z. He will eat when he is hungry. Well you see there is a problem with that as many children with autism have issues with telling if they are hungry or not. We have to tell Josiah it is meal time and ask if he wants something to eat and allow him to choose from what we have to offer. Chicken nuggets are always a choice and so are always there if he decides that what was cooked or what is for leftovers is not fitting for him at that moment. He gets his food and he eats it on his own time. Sometimes then and sometimes a bit latter.

When it is time to clean up he cleans up and he helps and he participates in our daily life of cooking and cleaning and is a part of everything we do. That being said he also gets time to himself. He is and introvert and naturally gets his energy from being alone and not with someone. If I was to follow his every move and constantly be talking to him and playing with him and coming up with things we should do, well he would burn out and I would burn out as we are both introverts. We both enjoy our time together and we also enjoy our time alone.Sometimes Josiah's time alone is playing with toys and other times it is electronics.

He loves to watch videos on garbage trucks and how different things work and move. I can not teach him what I do not know and although we could read a book together about things(which we have) watching a video seeing the visual of it all is how Josiah learns the best. He gets out his toy trucks and mimics what is going on with the big trucks. Repeating new words about new names of things I never knew about. We sometimes sit together and talk about what he is watching or what I am watching or doing. From watching even shows like Dr. Who Josiah has learned so much. He says what is that and I explain what it is. His therapy has said this is very good the accidental learning from environment is what they strive and work for. They want kids to learn from everything around them not just a certain time when they are expected to pick up and learn things.

I have been told by some that my parenting style makes me a bad parent. I have been told by many professions that they can tell that we do a lot with him in the right time and the right way. He is able to pick up on it and mature into him. Not just a cookie cutter expectation. There have been people impressed with his progress/maturity, his manners, his behavior, and just anything in general. Now I nor my husband can take full credit for his growth because like I said before he has shown us the way, he has lead us to learning what helps him to learn. My education and knowledge has helped some, but Josiah added the finishing touches. If he learns best form a visual he views by himself that is great. If he invites me to come and join in his learning that is wonderful. If I push that something is about learning more then fun and he breaks down and either grows board or is thrown into a meltdown how does that help anyone?

I look forward to seeing how Josiah grows and matures and how he becomes him. How he becomes himself. I am his parent not a parent of another child. I do not know what works for your child or your family. I just know what works for my child and as he is meeting all of his goals and is a very happy(for the most part, he is a child so he is not always happy with choices) and healthy child I would hope that what works for us is respected by others. If it isn't I guess your opinion doesn't matter in the first place and does not make the difference in the happiness level of our home. Josiah will be guided and taught towards become a wonderful person and we will respect that he is a wonderful child right now. We do not just focus on the future outcome, but in what is right in front of right now.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Swimaversary Part Three

SLEEP

The title is almost all I need. Swimming has helped us with sleep. That is almost all I have to say as sleep is such a crucial thing that not all of us get what we need and it is even hard to come by with an autistic child. For the sake of this blog post being longer and just to give more detail I will share more.

Josiah started swimming and therapy at the sometime so like all things it is hard to piece out what is the cause to the effect. We have been to a sleep Dr. and know that his sleep issues are purely behavioral or at least there is no medical thing such as sleep apnea or swollen glands or anything like that causing it.

 Well, what has helped us sort out the sleep thing is that he has not had swimming while still doing therapy and had not had therapy while doing swimming. When he has therapy and no swimming his sleep is still bad. He takes forever to fall asleep and he wakes up several times at night. We have gone almost a month without swimming and he has bad sleep whole time. Now while swimming and therapy we did start hylands sleep aid (after swimming started) in disovables for young kids. That helped increase his staying asleep, but as soon as swimming stopped we had issues. When we started swimming back up with the other two the sleep aid and therapy we were good and getting enough sleep even if it is still not the normal amount.

Then we took off of therapy for almost the whole week and instead was doing swimming with this sleep increased again. We have tried baths, staying outside for long periods of time and all kinds of other things to replace swimming and there just seems to not be a good replacement for swimming with him. Swimming is Josiah's thing, so I am happy it makes him happy and helps with so much. We have since stopped hylands sleep aid and have switched to essential oils for sleep. That is for another blog post and will have to share about that soon. Our hopes with the oils is that if we can't go swimming daily that he can still sleep. I still will plan on doing lots of swimming with him as it helps him in so many other areas other then sleep.

Here is part one which was on self control and part two which was on cognitive development encase you missed them.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Swimaverasry Part Two

Cognitive Development

It is hard to gauge cognitive development other then progress. Josiah has been making strides and bound in what he has been learning. Now Josiah did begin swimming and ABA therapy at the same time and it is hard to say what has had the most affect on his cognitive development between the two. All I know is that his ABA therapists are extremely impressed with his progress and have the hardest time keeping up with him. They are creating new programs for him all the time as he blows through most of them. He went from not talking or babbling at 20 months to shortly after expressing simple needs, to now he is fully capable of having conversations. CONVERSATIONS a little more then a year and he has not only started to talk, but in some areas he has surpassed his age. In ONE year he has gone from less then half his age to having some language above a 3 year old and he is not even three yet. I am amazed and impressed with his growth and maturity and ability to learn all the time. He is sometimes way to smart for his own good, but he IS smart and he keeps showing how smart he is all the time. I have always said that he was super smart and that we just did not know it. Like he was unable to show us how smart he is and now he can. I love and enjoyed him before he could talk, but know that he is much happier now that he can not only express his needs. We are less stressed because he is able to answer us on what he needs before it turns into a meltdown over frustration, but above all HE is happier, less stressed and more expressive then he has ever been before. There has even been a study on kids kids who swim which the results can be viewed below:

For those of you who can not view the video click here.
Another way to see that he has had cognitive development besides his ability to learn, his increase in language both receptive and expressive, is his memory. I am always impressed with his memory. He can remember great details about things not only days, weeks, but even months after the event. He sees something and it triggers a reaction in his brain and he can start talking about details of something that has happened so long ago that even I didn't quite have it in the top of my head ready to go. Three months after reviving a bag with ornaments in it from his swim instructor I set up our autism tree. The ornaments were out of the bag and there were other bags out. He picked out that specific empty bag and told he who gave it to him and what was in it. When showing his swim instructor the bag he did not even remember that it was the bag that he had given us the ornaments in. One day my dad had said he needs a clip for something and Josiah takes off and gets his gerbils car. We had no clue why he got the car until we realized their was a clip on the bottom of it where the wheel broke off. The clip was stuck on the car two months before and had only used the car maybe one other time before then. This is just two examples of his memory out of many more. He has also shown cognitive development in his learning of colors, shapes, and counting to ten. He has also learned to count actual objects which is different then counting to ten. He can sing part of the alphabet song and in most cases identify letters of the alphabet. All of this from not talk a little over a year ago! There is a  wonderful explanation that I will quote from charlotteaquatics.com: "A baby’s brain develops through bilateral cross patterning movements like swimming, crawling, and walking. The more cross patterning movements, the more nerve fibers develop in the corpus callosum - the part of the brain that facilitates communication, feedback, and modulation from one side of the brain to the other. Cross patterning movements like swimming activate both cerebral hemispheres and all four lobes of the brain simultaneously, which can result in heightened cognition and increased ease of learning." Another great quote about neurological development is "The child experiences a great deal of tactile stimulation from the water resistance over the entire body while swimming which encourages neurological development. Water has over 600 times the resistance of air. Tactile experiences and interactions in the water are important for overall neural organization."

Here is part one on self-control encase you missed it.
Here is also part three which is on sleep.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Supermom

I guest post from Em's Journey. You can find her on facebook here and find her blog here.

I am by nature fun loving, easy going with a touch of high strung at times, and I avoid conflict at all costs if at all possible. Conflict gives me anxiety. I struggle to confront situations that I need to and it builds inside until I feel like I’m going to explode. I’ve had my share of crying jags because I just can’t keep that mask of “being ok” on anymore.

I’m the person you meet and by all appearances, think she’s confident, articulate, and empowered. I carry myself in that manner. I’ve been called a Rocking Mom, Supermom, Wonder Woman, and any other alter ego that you can think of more times than I can count or remember. However, if push comes to shove, I cave.

Contrary to how I appear, I’m not confident in who I am or what I am capable of. I sometimes become so cripplingly inarticulate that I shut down. Here’s an example from just this morning. I had to take a test at work. I struggled to learn the material. I didn’t know how to get the information in my brain. It’s something that all employees have to know. I didn’t know how the test was going to be scored. I almost cried taking my husband to work. I was scared how I would do and freaked myself out all the way to my work. In the end, I did pretty well on the test surprising even myself. It’s when I allow those things to happen, to freak me out, empowered is nowhere near my personage.

That is unless you push my temper too far, or put my family at risk, and then I’m an atom bomb. It doesn’t happen often. When it comes to my children, Christian and Emelie have yet to find me back down from a fight. They know I have their backs, and when they are wrong, they hear it. Being a mom is never easy. Being a good mom is more than not being easy but rather a balancing act. Being a “Supermom” is being able to love your kids enough to enact “tough” love, to teach them respect and empower them, teach self discipline and fight for them against all odds.

I’ve come to that crossroad where I need to reconcile my two natures. I have tried for almost a year and reconciling my two natures is not easy. Being honest about who I am is hard enough because that means I’m taking that mask or facade down. I’m scared to be me. I want to show you who I want to be. For myself, I need to figure out how to be that person. I’m trying to be that Momma that everyone sees and knows that is in there. She’s deep down and letting her out scares me to death. Yet, I do it all the time in my own home.
I know who I am. I can be free to be myself in my own home. I am deep down, who I want to be. I have to trust myself to allow that confidence to carry over and maintain that empowerment. I know how to convey a message. I also know how to make my point and get it across tactfully the first time. It’s when it’s ignored that I need to allow Super Mom to step into her God given role. Raising our children to be productive members of society with adherence to cause and effect relationships. That is including consequences. That “tough” love has to carry over to include those that deal with our children.

I was talking with my friend Karen, bemoaning this topic of having two sides of me. How I felt like a Jekyll and Hyde. How it feels so “off”. She summed it with a good analogy. We are all a three sided coin: Top, Bottom and the Edge. Which side someone wishes to experience depends on how they treat us. It gives new meaning to being edgy.

Overall, I've discovered I’m ok with my two natures. I am trying to balance on that edge, but it’s ok to be both sides of me. As long as I remember to also be honest with myself as to who I am, and what I am capable of. Becoming that Da Dada DA SUPERMOM is easy because it’s in my nature. Letting her out, that’s where I need to let go of the guilt. Recognizing, I was balancing her, and was tipped on my side and this is the side chosen.

I think that the same can be said of many moms and dads out there that struggle with empowering themselves to be Super Parents. In actuality we aren't Super Parents. We are parents of Super Kids. That’s it plain and simple. We are Super Parents because that’s who our kids need us to be. Sometimes we go overboard and need to learn to step back. We need to learn that they have to fall. We have to be there to help them when they do.

The best part of all of this is that it feels kind of good too. To know that I’m not alone and that it’s not ok for now. Yet I know it will be, someday. And for all us parents having these same thoughts, we’ll know that our children will never be able to say that we gave up on them, EVER. Nor will all those other Super Parents out there because we see how each other fight for them. In reality, we aren't that unique. Really! Ask ANY parent who does what they need to do when they need to do it. They’ll tell you because if we don’t, who will.

Monday, March 31, 2014

What Do I Need to Know about IEPs?-Information on IEPs Inside

(Information from a book geared toward teatchers, but has lots of information)

Individualized Education Program 

IEP is “the heart of IDEA” and “the make or break component of FAPE for every child with a disability” (Bateman & Herr, 2006, p. 10). IDEA requires that educators develop and implement an IEP for each student with disabilities between the ages of 3 and 21. (Educators develop an  individualized family service plan [IFSP] for each infant and toddler [from birth through age 2] with disabilities.) IDEA is specific about who is to develop the IEP and what it must include. IEP Team Each IEP must be the product of the collaborative efforts of the members of an  IEP team, the membership of which is specified in IDEA as the following:
The term “individualized education program team” or “IEP Team” means a group of individuals composed of—
1.  The parents of a child with a disability

2.  not less than 1 regular education teacher of the child (if the child is, or may be, participating in the regular education environment);

3.  not less than 1 special education teacher, or where appropriate, at least 1 special education provider of the child;

4.  a representative of the local education agency who—
(i)  is qualified to provide, or supervise the provision of, specially designed instruction to meet the unique needs of children with disabilities;
(ii)  is knowledgeable about the general curriculum; and
(iii)  is knowledgeable about the availability of resources of the local education agency;

5.  an individual who can interpret the instructional implications of evaluation results, who may be a member of the team described in clauses (2) through (6);

6.  at the discretion of the parent or the agency, other individuals who have knowledge or special expertise regarding the child, including related service personnel as appropriate; and

7.  Whenever appropriate, the child with a disability. (PL 108-446, Sec. 614 [d][1][B])

IEP Components 

 Each IEP must include the following seven components:
1.  A statement of the child’s present levels of academic achievement and functional performance, including—
(a)  how the child’s disability affects the child’s involvement and progress in the general education curriculum;
(b)  for preschool children, as appropriate, how the disability affects the child’s participation in appropriate activities; and
(c)  for children with disabilities who take alternate assessments aligned to alternate achievement standards, a description of benchmarks or short-term objectives;

2.  A statement of measurable annual goals, including academic and functional goals, designed to—
(a)  meet the child’s needs that result from the child’s disability to enable the child to be involved in and make progress in the general education curriculum; and
(b)  meet each of the child’s other educational needs that result from the child’s disability;

3.  A description of how the child’s progress toward meeting the annual goals described in subclause (2) will be measured and when periodic reports on the progress the child is making toward meeting the annual goals (such as through the use of quarterly or other periodic reports, concurrent with the issuance of report cards) will be provided;

4.  A statement of the special education and related services and supplementary aids and services, based on peer-reviewed research to the extent practicable, to be provided to the child, or on behalf of the child, and a statement of the program modifications or supports for school personnel that will be provided for the child—
(a)  to advance appropriately toward attaining the annual goals;
(b)  to be involved in and make progress in the general education curriculum in accordance with sub-clause (1) and to participate in extracurricular and other nonacademic activities; and
(c)  to be educated and participate with other children with disabilities and non-disabled children in the activities described in this sub-paragraph;

5.  An explanation of the extent, if any, to which the child will not participate with nondisabled children in the regular class and in the activities described in sub-clause (4)(c);

6.  (a) a statement of any individual appropriate accommodations that are necessary to measure the academic achievement and functional performance of the child on State and district wide assessments consistent with section 612(a)(16)(A); and
(b) if the IEP Team determines that the child shall take an alternate assessment on a particular State or district wide assessment of student achievement, a statement of why—
(aa) the child cannot participate in the regular assessment; and
(bb)  the particular alternate assessment selected is appropriate for the child;

7.  The projected date for the beginning of the services and modifications described in subclause (4), and the anticipated frequency, location, and duration of those services and modifications. (PL 108-446, Sec. 614 [d][1][B])


IEPs for students age 16 and older must include information on how the child’s transition from school to adult life will be supported:   

8.  Beginning not later than the first IEP to be in effect when the child is 16, and updated annually thereafter—
(a)  appropriate measurable postsecondary goals based upon age appropriate transition assessments related to training, education, employment, and, where appropriate, independent living skills;
(b)  the transition services (including courses of study) needed to assist the child in reaching those goals; and
(c)  beginning not later than 1 year before the child reaches the age of majority under State law, a statement that the child has been informed of the child’s rights under this title, if any, that will transfer to the child on reaching the age of majority under section 615(m). (PL 108-446, Sec. 614 [d][1][A][i])

When developing a child’s IEP, the IEP team must consider the following factors:   

1.  General.    The IEP Team must consider
(i) the strengths of the child;
(ii) the concerns of the parents for enhancing the education of their child;
(iii) the results of the initial or most recent evaluation of the child; and
(iv) the academic, developmental, and functional needs of the child.

2.  Consideration of special factors.   The IEP Team must—
i.  In the case of a child whose behavior impedes the child’s learning or that of others, consider the use of positive behavioral interventions and supports, and other strategies, to address that behavior;
ii.  In the case of a child with limited English proficiency, consider the language needs of the child as those needs relate to the child’s IEP;
iii.  In the case of a child who is blind or visually impaired, provide for instruction in Braille and the use of Braille unless the IEP Team determines, after an evaluation of the child’s reading and writing skills, that instruction in Braille or the use of Braille is not appropriate for the child;
iv.  Consider the communication needs of the child, and in the case of a child who is deaf or hard of hearing, consider the child’s language and communication needs; and
v.  Consider whether the child needs assistive technology devices and services. (PL 108-446, Sec. 614 [d][3][A & B])

IEP Functions and Formats  

An IEP spells out where the child is, where she should be going, how she will get there, how long it will take, and how to tell if and when she has arrived. An IEP provides teachers and families with the  opportunity—and the responsibility—to first be realistic about the child’s needs and goals and then to be creative about how to meet them. Being realistic does not mean taking a pessimistic or limited view of the child’s current capabilities or potential to reach improved levels of academic achievement or functional performance; it means analyzing how specially designed instruction and related services can help the child get from her present levels of performance to future goals.  The IEP is also a measure of accountability for teachers and schools. Whether a particular school or educational program is effective will be judged, to some extent, by how well it is able to help children meet the goals and objectives set forth in their IEPs. Like other professionals, teachers are being called on to demonstrate effectiveness, and the IEP provides one way for them to do so. Although a child’s teacher and school cannot be prosecuted in the courts if the child does not achieve his IEP goals, the school  district is legally bound to provide the special education and related services identified in the IEP, and the school must be able to document that it made a conscientious and systematic effort to achieve those goals (Bartlett, Etscheidt, & Weisentstein, 2007; Wright, Wright, & O’Connor, 2010). IEP formats vary widely across school districts, and schools may exceed the requirements of the law and include additional information. Bateman and Linden (2006) cautioned against overreliance on standardized forms and computers for creating IEPs. “Forms by their very nature tend to interfere with true individualization. . . . [A] proper form will contain all the required elements in the simplest way possible, allowing for the most flexibility and creativity” (pp. 82–83).  Figure  2.3  shows portions of the IEP for Curt, a ninth grader and low achiever seen by the school district as a poorly motivated student with a disciplinary problem and a bad attitude. Curt’s parents see their son as a discouraged and frustrated student with learning disabilities, especially in written language.

IEP Problems and Potential Solutions 

Since its inception, the IEP process has been problematic. J. J. Gallagher (1984) wrote that the IEP is “probably the single most unpopular aspect of the law, not only because it requires a great deal of work, but also because the essence of the plan itself seems to have been lost in the mountains of paperwork” (p. 228). More than 20 years later, Bateman and Linden (2006) expressed a similar opinion: Sadly, many IEPs are horrendously burdensome to teachers and nearly useless to parents and children. Far from being a creative, flexible, data-based, and individualized application of the best of educational interventions to a child with unique needs, the typical IEP is “empty,” devoid of specific services to be provided, and its goals are often not measurable. (p. 87) Studies of actual IEPs seem to support such harsh descriptions. For example, Grigal and colleagues (1997) examined IEPs for high school students and found that transition-related goals included vague outcomes (e.g., “will think about best place to live,” “will explore jobs”), no evaluation procedures, and very few adaptations in activities or materials. Properly including all of the mandated components in an IEP is no guarantee that the document will guide the student’s learning and teachers’ teaching in the classroom, as intended by IDEA. Although most educators support the idealized concept of the IEP, inspection of IEPs often reveals inconsistencies between what is written on the document and the instruction that students experience in the classroom (S. W. Smith & Brownell, 1995).  Although IDEA requires parents to participate in IEP meetings and encourages student participation, research on parent and student involvement in the IEP process has produced mixed results (Test et al., 2004). In a study of 109 middle school and high school IEP meetings, Martin and colleagues (2006) concluded that students’ “presence can at best be viewed as tokenism because of the very low levels of student engagement and low student [expression of] opinions of their IEP meetings” (p. 197). On the bright side, numerous studies have shown that students with widely varying disabilities can learn to be actively involved in the IEP process, even to the point of leading the meeting (e.g., Arndt, Konrad, & Test, 2006; Kelley, Bartholomew, & Test, 2011; Martin, Van Dycke, et al., 2006). Some research suggests a positive correlation between students’ participation in the IEP process and academic achievement (Barnard-Brak & Lechtenberger, 2010). General education teachers also benefit from instruction in the IEP process. In a study of 393 middle school and high school IEP meetings, general education teachers rated themselves lower than all other IEP meeting participants, including students, on the extent to which they helped make decisions and knew what to do next (Martin, Huber Marshall, & Sale, 2004). General education teachers ranked second lowest (only to students) in knowing the reason for the meetings, talking at the meetings, feeling comfortable saying what they thought, understanding what was said, and feeling good about the meeting. Regardless of the level of parent and student participation, the appropriateness and measurability of the goals, and the IEP team’s satisfaction with the document, without instruction of the highest quality, many children with disabilities will make little progress. This reality led to the requirement in IDEA 2004 that teachers must use evidence-based practices (EBPs) to ensure their students receive the highest quality instruction. See Current Issues and Future Trends, “Evidence-Based Practice: Easier Said Than Done.”
Heward, William L. (2012-02-08). Exceptional Children: An Introduction to Special Education (10th Edition) (Page 60-63, 65-66). Pearson. Kindle Edition. 

If you have some other helpful information on IEPs feel free to share it in the comments :).

Thursday, March 13, 2014

How To Deal with Aggressive Behaviors in Children...

Ask Yourself: 

1. What happened prior to the event/behavior?
2. What noticeable physical signs did the child give?
3. What are the “Telltale signs?”
4. How do you respond to each child individually?

The States of Mind: 

1. The anxious state
2. The agitated state
3. The aggressive state
4. The assaultive state
5. The open state

The Anxious State: 


What Do You Look For?

• Be aware of each child’s individual cues.
• Telltale signs: Tears, blushing, clenching teeth, withdraw, whining, screaming etc.
• Feeling alone, confused, feeling conflicted.
• Children may say things such as “no one loves me, no one wants me, I’m no good, I don’t like it here” etc. • Our response can either take the child back to the competent state or they will move to the agitated state. 



How Do You Respond?

• Use door openers, gentle comments or questions.
• Ask open-ended questions.
• Validate and paraphrase the child’s thoughts and feelings.
• Reframe the child’s statements, making them more positive.
• Responding to the need within the child’s message.
• Pay attention to your tone of voice and your body language.

The Agitated State: 


What Do You Look For?

• If a parent/teacher does not respond to a child’s signs of anxiety a child’s behavior can move to agitation.
• There are 2 levels of agitated behavior: teaching response and limiting response.
• We need to understand the difference between the two before we respond.
• At the first level children are beginning to lose control, their strong emotions confuse their thinking and they don’t know how to handle their feelings. You can still respond at this level by teaching. At the second level the child is feeling antagonistic and no longer responds to what you are saying or doing.

2 Levels of Response


The Teaching Response: 

o Letting a child know their behavior is unacceptable and teaching what is acceptable.
o Be positive.
o The parents/teachers response should tell the child what TO DO, not what NOT to do.
o Use I-messages (I feel when you, not you make me )
o Avoid the Why questions.

The Limiting Response:

o Control is the issue here.
o At this stage a child can either move back to the competent state or go into an aggressive state.
o Education is no longer an issue, the issue is power.
o Your job is to create a win-win situation.
o Our goal at this level is to get children to stop, think and regain control.
o Two basic limiting responses: the interrupt or the options statement.
o The interrupt you interrupt what the child is doing/distract them in another way. An example a child is standing on the table and you get out a puzzle and talk aloud about how awesome the puzzle is and that you need someone to help you do the puzzle.
o The options statement is a ___ or ____ statement with the first part having what you want the child to do and the second half containing a consequence for not doing the first part. An example put away your toys or I will pick them up for you and they will be going away for the rest of the day.

The Aggressive State: 


What Do You Look For?

• The child is out of control.
• He or she doesn’t hear or understand anything you say.
• The behaviors are random.
• The actions aren't really directed at anyone.
• The aggression can be both verbal and physical.
• Reasoning no longer works.
• The child is driven by emotions.
• Have a goal in mind for this child at all times when he/she reaches this point.

How Do You Respond?

• You must use your non-verbal skills to communicate with the child and deescalate the behavior.
• The child is acutely aware of your physical presence and your body is your most useful tool. (don’t use your size to threaten!)
• Don’t let your emotions draw you into a power struggle. Stay calm!
• Distance yourself physically, don’t face the child directly and you might have to avoid eye contact.
• By doing these things, using your clear mind, your averted eyes just might surprise the child, interrupt his/her cycle and deescalate the behavior.

The Assaultive State: 


What Do You Look For?

• The child’s actions are no longer random.
• Even if you are not the cause of the behavior, you may become the target.
• This situation will require all of your verbal and non-verbal skills.
• Have an emergency plan that involves the others in the room.
• Be prepared to remove the other children or the child with the assaultive behaviors.
• Place yourself instead of other children in the room in her line of target.

 How Do You Respond?

• Have an emergency plan with other co-workers and if necessary with the other children in your classroom. • Practice this plan.
• Be prepared to move the other children because sometimes moving the child with the assaultive behaviors just adds fuel to the fire. 

The Open State:

• This is after a child is coming off an aggressive or assaultive state.
• This is a time for debriefing and for learning.
• The child will need some private time with you.
• Remember that the child is the focus and the child needs to do the talking.
• The child isn’t the only one who is vulnerable! Check your own emotions at this time too!

Simple techniques to help curb aggressive behaviors

Hands and feet on the wall.

o To do this, create a “safe spot” for the child with aggressive behaviors.
o Trace their hands and their feet and then laminate.
o Put their hands on the wall at their height and their feet on the floor.
o Any time they get aggressive tell them they can go stomp on their feet or press on their hands.
o If a child punches with a closed fist you may need to pad the wall.

Heavy lifting/weighted blankets

o Some children need to pick something up, move something, or have something heavy on their laps in order to concentrate.
o When using a weighted bucket give the child a specific task to complete. Not only does this give them a gross motor outlet but it allows the brain to concentrate on something else.
o Weighted blankets are good for children as well if they need help sitting still or keeping their hands to themselves.
o Deep tissue pressure works in some children.

Sensory boxes 

• Some children with aggressive tendencies benefit from time alone with a sensory box.
• In this box you will want items that:
o The child doesn’t have access to on a regular basis in the classroom
o Things that are just for that child o Things that are of different textures, sizes, shapes
o Items such as felt, a koosh ball, a tennis ball, cotton, fidget toys etc.
o Make the item personal for the child
• Some tools can be found here

Behavior modification techniques

• Visual cues and charts o Giving a child with aggressive tendencies visual cues or a visual chart to follow helps them to break the day down into small segments.

Transition puzzle

o To make a transition puzzle all you need is a piece of cardboard, like the bottom of a pizza box.
o Trace out the puzzle pieces and label each one a different transition that occurs on a daily basis that you want that child to master.
o As the child successfully completes the transition they get to add that piece of their puzzle.

*The book: Challenging Behavior in Young Children by Barbara Kaiser and Judy Rasminsky 2nd ed. was used as a guide*



Keys to becoming a parent/teacher who can handle the aggressive child (Dr. Becky Bailey, conscious Discipline)

• When a parent/teacher loses control NO ONE WINS.
• Parents/teachers should:
o Focus on what they want the child to accomplish
o Celebrate the child’s successes and choices
o See situations from the child’s perspective
o Creatively teach the child how to communicate
o Hold the child accountable for those teachings
• With two willing participants, power struggles escalate. Power struggles always require two willing participants!
• Help the child feel powerful!
• What you focus on you get more of!
• Whomever you have placed in charge of your feelings, you have placed in control of you!!! (this is HUGE as a parent/teacher)
• You are never upset for the reason you think you are.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

20 Reasons Why I Love Him

I know valentines day is done and over with, but I wanted to post something on our anniversary of when we officially started dating 7 years ago today, so here goes...

There are many more reasons for why I love my husband, but this is what I came up with for this post. This post has been really hard to come up with things, not because I do not love my husband, but the whole putting it into words that make sense and can be categorized. Love in its self is a hard thing to describe. I have an even hard time already describing emotions and feelings, so this is completely out of my little bubble and I know my husband can truly appreciate the gesture.

1. God Sent Me Him

I feel that God brought us together to be friends at first and then to be married like we are now. We both feel this way. We were meant to be together. We belong together. Through ups and downs in life we have been there for each other with God as our foundation and it will continue to be this way. I spent a year away from dating or even thinking about who I should date to find out what God wanted for my life. That is when he fell into my life as my best friend, which brings us to number two.

2. My Best Friend

He was my best friend before we started dating and still is my best friend. I would talk and talk to him from time I got done with homework (met when I was 16/Sophomore in high school) to the time I went to bed. We don't so much get he luxury to do that now days with Josiah(Little Man/LM) running around, me going to school, and him working, but I still love talking to him about our hopes and dreams. Talking about the here and now as well and hope that we can stay this way until one of his leaves this earth and that will only be a temporary separation, as I know we will be together again on the other side.



3. He Is My Other Half

As cheesy as this sounds he is literally my other half. The Jelly to my peanut butter(or some other alternative to those with peanut allergies) or how ever else you want to put this statement. He is my other half because I am the thinker and he is the emotions and even though this may be frustrating at times, it is what makes us work great together. When Josiah has had to have tough things done like a tongue tie and lip tie clipped I was he one to be there because Jason said he would be too emotional to do it/would want to hit the Dr. for hurting him. I am a very shy reserved person and he is partially shy as well, but when it comes to speaking up to certain DRs about stuff that I would rather ignore to avoid confrontation he is all there supporting our rights and decisions.

4. We Are In This Together

I love that we ware in this autism adventure together with Josiah. He is a part of his therapies and Dr appointments. I do not have to try to juggle it all myself. I have someone to stand by my side while we go through life. It is much easier to navigate through all the specialists and paper work when you have someone to help. He goes to all the appointments with us, I mainly fill out paper work for everything, but sometimes he fills in some stuff as well. He is en every part of what we do. He loves to come home and see Josiah's swimming pictures and other pictures from our day that he missed while he was at work. The FB page has both of us as admins and he loves to see all of the comments, likes and messages just as much as I enjoy to see the support. He may mostly be a silent observer with the page, but he is there. 

5.-7. Views On Gender Roles, He Love Me For Me, He Understands

I do not know how to separate these three without repeating myself over and over, but feel all of them deserves a mention. I love that he does not feel that gender roles should define us. I would feel extremely trapped if I was the stereotypical women. I do not wear make-up and I hardly wear dresses/skirts. He loves it when I do, but would never push the idea of me having to do it more often then I choose to do it. He knows that the way I get my energy is in very small groups or even by myself so he gives me my space when I need it. He does not feel that just because he works outside of the home means he gets a free pass on household jobs. We both do what we feel is best for our family as with what we do around the house. When he does stuff it is not just because I asked him to, but because it needs to be done and more times then not does not even need to be mentioned. I will do his chores at times and he will do mine depending on what is going on in any given time. He understands when I am in a do not touch me mood or a kiss is too much. Sometimes just a kiss feels like I am being smothered and he is very understanding of when that time is and I absolutely love that about him.

8. He Is A Wonderful Father

It is very easy to add into the no gender roles with making him a wonderful father^^. He lets Josiah be himself even if that means wanting to dress up like a fairy for fairy garden day. He did not tell him he could not do it because fairies are for girls. Just like he has never told Josiah that play kitchen's or dolls are just for girls. Josiah has dolls, play kitchen, trucks, cars, trains, and all kinds of things in between. It is what he likes and enjoys not what he should be. He is there for Josiah. Yes, there can be times when he gets a little more frustrated then I will about something, but it is evident that he trying and that Josiah LOVES him so much. When daddy is home on the weekend it is hard to separate those two as Josiah wants to soak up every min with him.

9. Service

I love the fact that when I decided to serve at church for school that he joined me and that he is by my side there every Sunday helping me teach the class. He is my other half in the classroom as well. we work so well together. I do the story and he does the song. I do the water he does the snack. We do not even have to plan or talk to each other about what needs to be done, we just know how we need to do it. We sometimes even switch between what kids we are playing with if we know that the other person's personality would add to the situation. This kind of thing makes me love him even more seeing him in a situation where we can share about God to a room full of children and just connecting weather it be through words or not. I could have just served on my own for class, but he is there by my side which is wonderful to have my other half there.

10. Foot Rubs At Night

Foot rubs or back rubs at night. I love that if I am laying in bed and my feet itch and he knows they do, he just says "give them here" and puts lotion on them/gives me a foot rub. He offers to rub my back and or neck if he realizes I need it. I do not have to say anything and rarely request to have either done, but really do enjoy it when he offers. To go along with this putting pressure on my legs and feet when I need it. I can not explain at all the feeling I have at times in my legs, but all I know is pressure/ weight helps make it go away. Thinking it is a stimulation issue and I used to think it was possible anxiety, but the anxiety only comes if the horrible feeling does not go away.

11. Support

I love him for his support that he gives to me. Through the times when I had night after night of the whole anxiety thing where I kind of went into myself not to be found, but he brought me out of it and I am happy to say I have not had problems like that in a long time. Of course only after having Josiah have I learned about meltdowns and all the different ways they can present. He has supported me with breastfeeding and all kinds of parenting choices that we have made together, but that I end up with the choice more then him. Like with breastfeeding we both think it is a great choice, but I am the one doing it and he is my wonderful supportive husband. He is also very supportive of the other people around him. I am more then willing to share my supportive husband when the need arises. We have some friends that used to be just my friends that are now both of our friends and they love to go to him for help specially when they need a more emotionally supportive role. Like I feel bad when something happens, I just am unsure as to what to say to a person. Not because I do not care, I just have the hardest time coming up with the words other then wow that sucks, sorry to hear that.

12. Kind Heart

The whole support thing brings me the the fact that he has a kind heart. He is a very caring person. He hates to see people hurting. This goes along with his heart for service, too. He sometimes will get frustrated because he can not help a person he wants to help, so it all comes out completely wrong then how it was supposed to come out.

13. Kiss Goodbye

I love that him and Josiah always gives me a kiss and sometimes a hug goodbye before they take off somewhere even if it is just the the store down a block from our house.

14. Good Worker

He is a good hard working at his job and sometimes takes the leadership position on his shift when needed. He has gone in on vacation days when he was needed. He always strives to be honest and work his hardest even if others are not. He is also a good worker at home (when it is not nap time).

15. Check-ins

I love that when he is at work he will call or text to let me know how he is doing or ask to see how me and Josiah are doing. He also will know then if we were having a bad day or night and I know if he had a bad day at work. We also will know if each other had a great day or things that Josiah accomplished, so he does not miss out on things while he is working second shift. If he was not napping during my classes I would be checking in on breaks as well, but Josiah is in therapy and he is napping, so all is quite during the time that I am away. I have sent him pictures of food and drink that ended up all over the floor due to a Josiah freak out or things we colored or painted before he destroys them. This is one of the many reasons I take so many pictures and videos, so hubby can play catch up on what happened while he was at work.

16. Sleeping in

I love that on Tuesdays and Fridays if there is no need for me to go to Josiah's ABA therapy I am able to stay home and sleep in. In return he sleeps an extra hour Mondays and Wednesdays and he naps the two hours that Josiah is in therapy 5 days a week. We both try to help each other get the most rest we can so we are able to handle meltdowns and tantrums a lot better from Josiah or have more energy to do fun activities with Josiah.


17. Washing My Hair

This has got to be my kryptonite. I know for some the sensory might be too much and for others it might not be such a big deal, but I love it. I suggest that every man tries at least once, to wash his significant others hair. Anyone should wash their significant other's hair/head at least once. I know my hubby loves it when I wash his hair/head (sometimes he shaves it almost all off like picture below). Specially if the women has long hair. You would not believe the time and energy that is taken into hair even if it is just brushed out like I do. Imagine the time that is put into curling or straitening for some women. The feeling of just being able to relax while one tasks that you may sometimes dread is being done for you is partially why it is amazing. The other part is when you add pressure and massage the sensory sensations are all out wonderful. I can see why most kids love to have their heads washed (I say most because for some with autism it is a sensory nightmare).

18. Taking care of me when I am sick

This took place yesterday. I gave him a call to pick me up from class early and got Josiah ready as soon as possible to get me. He even brought a bucket encase I got sick on the way home. He got me seven up and ginger ale. Got me water, blankets and a heating pad. He took off work to watch Josiah while I spent the afternoon in the bathroom, head over a bucket or sleeping. 

19. Respectful

He has always been very respectful. Before we were married he respected wishes not to do certain things and not to move to fast. He respects wishes to not do things now that we are married as well. I am his love, not a piece of property to be owned and used however he wishes. That is one of the reasons I love him so much. He was extremely patient and respectful of issues I had after Josiah was born. Through that patients and respecting that sex was painful and just not going to happen we grew even closer to each other. 

20. Just Because

I love him because I love him. When all else is going wrong and nothing seems right, I still love him. Even when I am mad at him, I still love him. This makes it so we can not be mad at each other for very long. I look forward to spending he rest of my life with him and loving him just because. 



P.S. to my hubby are you happy I told you no peeking and you have to wait until Tuesday to see it!