Ask Yourself:
1. What happened prior to the event/behavior?
2. What noticeable physical signs did the child give?
3. What are the “Telltale signs?”
4. How do you respond to each child individually?
The States of Mind:
1. The anxious state
2. The agitated state
3. The aggressive state
4. The assaultive state
5. The open state
The Anxious State:
What Do You Look For?
• Be aware of each child’s individual cues.
• Telltale signs: Tears, blushing, clenching teeth, withdraw, whining, screaming etc.
• Feeling alone, confused, feeling conflicted.
• Children may say things such as “no one loves me, no one wants me, I’m no good, I don’t like it here” etc.
• Our response can either take the child back to the competent state or they will move to the agitated state.
How Do You Respond?
• Use door openers, gentle comments or questions.
• Ask open-ended questions.
• Validate and paraphrase the child’s thoughts and feelings.
• Reframe the child’s statements, making them more positive.
• Responding to the need within the child’s message.
• Pay attention to your tone of voice and your body language.
The Agitated State:
What Do You Look For?
• If a parent/teacher does not respond to a child’s signs of anxiety a child’s behavior can move to agitation.
• There are 2 levels of agitated behavior: teaching response and limiting response.
• We need to understand the difference between the two before we respond.
• At the first level children are beginning to lose control, their strong emotions confuse their thinking and they don’t know how to handle their feelings. You can still respond at this level by teaching. At the second level the child is feeling antagonistic and no longer responds to what you are saying or doing.
2 Levels of Response
The Teaching Response:
o Letting a child know their behavior is unacceptable and teaching what is acceptable.
o Be positive.
o The parents/teachers response should tell the child what TO DO, not what NOT to do.
o Use I-messages (I feel when you, not you make me )
o Avoid the Why questions.
The Limiting Response:
o Control is the issue here.
o At this stage a child can either move back to the competent state or go into an aggressive state.
o Education is no longer an issue, the issue is power.
o Your job is to create a win-win situation.
o Our goal at this level is to get children to stop, think and regain control.
o Two basic limiting responses: the interrupt or the options statement.
o The interrupt you interrupt what the child is doing/distract them in another way. An example a child is standing on the table and you get out a puzzle and talk aloud about how awesome the puzzle is and that you need someone to help you do the puzzle.
o The options statement is a ___ or ____ statement with the first part having what you want the child to do and the second half containing a consequence for not doing the first part. An example put away your toys or I will pick them up for you and they will be going away for the rest of the day.
The Aggressive State:
What Do You Look For?
• The child is out of control.
• He or she doesn’t hear or understand anything you say.
• The behaviors are random.
• The actions aren't really directed at anyone.
• The aggression can be both verbal and physical.
• Reasoning no longer works.
• The child is driven by emotions.
• Have a goal in mind for this child at all times when he/she reaches this point.
How Do You Respond?
• You must use your non-verbal skills to communicate with the child and deescalate the behavior.
• The child is acutely aware of your physical presence and your body is your most useful tool. (don’t use your size to threaten!)
• Don’t let your emotions draw you into a power struggle. Stay calm!
• Distance yourself physically, don’t face the child directly and you might have to avoid eye contact.
• By doing these things, using your clear mind, your averted eyes just might surprise the child, interrupt his/her cycle and deescalate the behavior.
The Assaultive State:
What Do You Look For?
• The child’s actions are no longer random.
• Even if you are not the cause of the behavior, you may become the target.
• This situation will require all of your verbal and non-verbal skills.
• Have an emergency plan that involves the others in the room.
• Be prepared to remove the other children or the child with the assaultive behaviors.
• Place yourself instead of other children in the room in her line of target.
How Do You Respond?
• Have an emergency plan with other co-workers and if necessary with the other children in your classroom.
• Practice this plan.
• Be prepared to move the other children because sometimes moving the child with the assaultive behaviors just adds fuel to the fire.
The Open State:
• This is after a child is coming off an aggressive or assaultive state.
• This is a time for debriefing and for learning.
• The child will need some private time with you.
• Remember that the child is the focus and the child needs to do the talking.
• The child isn’t the only one who is vulnerable! Check your own emotions at this time too!
Simple techniques to help curb aggressive behaviors
Hands and feet on the wall.
o To do this, create a “safe spot” for the child with aggressive behaviors.
o Trace their hands and their feet and then laminate.
o Put their hands on the wall at their height and their feet on the floor.
o Any time they get aggressive tell them they can go stomp on their feet or press on their hands.
o If a child punches with a closed fist you may need to pad the wall.
Heavy lifting/weighted blankets
o Some children need to pick something up, move something, or have something heavy on their laps in order to concentrate.
o When using a weighted bucket give the child a specific task to complete. Not only does this give them a gross motor outlet but it allows the brain to concentrate on something else.
o Weighted blankets are good for children as well if they need help sitting still or keeping their hands to themselves.
o Deep tissue pressure works in some children.
Sensory boxes
• Some children with aggressive tendencies benefit from time alone with a sensory box.
• In this box you will want items that:
o The child doesn’t have access to on a regular basis in the classroom
o Things that are just for that child
o Things that are of different textures, sizes, shapes
o Items such as felt, a koosh ball, a tennis ball, cotton, fidget toys etc.
o Make the item personal for the child
• Some tools can be found
here
Behavior modification techniques
• Visual cues and charts
o Giving a child with aggressive tendencies visual cues or a visual chart to follow helps them to break the day down into small segments.
Transition puzzle
o To make a transition puzzle all you need is a piece of cardboard, like the bottom of a pizza box.
o Trace out the puzzle pieces and label each one a different transition that occurs on a daily basis that you want that child to master.
o As the child successfully completes the transition they get to add that piece of their puzzle.
*The book: Challenging Behavior in Young Children by Barbara Kaiser and Judy Rasminsky 2nd ed. was used as a guide*
Keys to becoming a parent/teacher who can handle the aggressive child (Dr. Becky Bailey, conscious Discipline)
• When a parent/teacher loses control NO ONE WINS.
• Parents/teachers should:
o Focus on what they want the child to accomplish
o Celebrate the child’s successes and choices
o See situations from the child’s perspective
o Creatively teach the child how to communicate
o Hold the child accountable for those teachings
• With two willing participants, power struggles escalate. Power struggles always require two willing participants!
• Help the child feel powerful!
• What you focus on you get more of!
• Whomever you have placed in charge of your feelings, you have placed in control of you!!! (this is HUGE as a parent/teacher)
• You are never upset for the reason you think you are.
